Will: Corpus- The StarSeed Foundation

September 20, 2017

The following is a means to my end. A semi-charitable foundation looking to generate revenue in order to carry out its mandate. My Estate, such that it is, is invested by my beneficiary and their duly authorised successors, (descendants!) in conventional stocks until the StarSeed Foundation becomes a legally constituted organisation. Naturally paying themselves a commensurate fee for their time and effort! This continuing until the StarSeed Foundation is …er founded! Whereupon my Estate then becomes part of its seed stock and eventually my seed –or selected genetic traits– are expressed in some distant time and distant location.

But you are way ahead of me!


This is similar to that of the various cryonic schemes in the 1960s. (And scams of the 1970s!) However this time your immortality is in your genes. Rather than brain soup!

Conventionally most of us seek immortality by having children. A survival of the fittest going back to homo habilis. Alas it would appear that none of the opposite sex ever found me fit! Not that I would blame them. Indeed I would probably agree with their assessment. Nevertheless, buried amongst my junk D.N.A., not to be passed forward into the future, there just might be a few codons worthwhile preserving. And these days we only need to preserve a single cell to get at its genetic code!

However this is not about Cloning. We have enough problems with overpopulation as it is!

Instead the Foundation has two goals in attracting the wealthy patron/ client or a selected and worthy person. Its prime purpose: preserving their genes (ova/ sperm/ stem cells) for future utilisation in medium term post-human solar system and, in the distant future: gene-seeded colonies in our stellar neighbourhood.

The idea of an interstellar ark as posited in the last century with a living population taking a couple of generations to get there has its merits. Preserving human society along with its genes. And one would like to think that this route will be explored. However this futurist posits the more likely outcome of a post Singularity culture. Hopefully benign! It is thus more likely that humans will be taken for a ride by their Dei ex Machinae.

Well we can hope…

The benefits of interstellar colonisation using cellular seed stocks are obvious. No requirements for life support. And the greatest genetic diversity for the minimum payload mass. The one problem: the first generation raised by robotic parents. But that problem sould solve itself after a few normal generations. That is whatever passes for normal parenting in two to three hundred years!

Ways and Means

Alas this futurist also posits a Perfect Storm [Vide:Beddington] and the StarSeed Foundation will have to ride out the Global Catastrophies of the middle of this century. To that end I would suggest that the StarSeed bank start in Iceland. Isolated and hopefully spared the conflagration. A bastion from where  the Reconstruction can take place. With the bonus of cheap geothermal power and a degree of cold. Then, once we are capable of such luxuries, a.s.a.p. to the Moon and the lunar poles. Where there will be Deep Cold and (near) permanent photo-electricity. I would expect the Foundation to remain there for a great deal of time until the stored genes are needed for specific traits in a post-human solar system, or on board an interstellar seed ship.

At the same time as the genotype is preserved for our future, the second ‘Immortality’ would lie in preserving the works, links and entire ‘digital fingerprint’ of one of our patrons, clients or specially selected individuals. This gestalt would be stored on the latest stable medium and made available as an ever more sophisticated avatar; as synthetic personalities draw on the personal database to project a voice and opinion from beyond the ‘Veil’ ūüôā

However this does give rise to the ‘spectre’… of the Dead Vote! This futurist posits such Ghosts in the Machine will be disenfranchised! Their role closer to the Lares and Penates of Classical Rome. Brought out for special occasions!

Since writing these words back –in 2008!–¬†Things have moved on.

Naturally with advances in technology our patrons/ clients/ worthies will be better served. But the Foundation should also maintain and, where possible, improve on the earlier more primitive ‘fingerprints’ of the early adopters!

Like me…

Blessed Be




Looking out of the Pit (with allusions to Dante)

September 16, 2017

People crushed by law, have no hopes but from power. If laws are their enemies, they will be enemies to laws; and those who have much to hope and nothing to lose, will always be dangerous.

Edmund Burke, Letter to Charles James
Fox (8 October 1777)

Starvation, I have found, brings a funny sort of clarity to one’s thought processes. That and, curiously, nightmares concerning food!

Perhaps it’s the low blood sugar, but I like to think¬†that the closer one gets to death, the clearer the true nature of Reality becomes. After all, intense fasting has been used by ascetics, alchemists and would be atmans to find spiritual Enlightenment for millenia and, indeed, rats that have been starved actually live longer. No really! Trust me I’m a graduate biochemist. It’s true. With the caveat that, after the fasting, you resume feeding them!

And in that clarity of mind I state my purpose:

I was intensively involved in the Occupy Movement (London <wiki>, Egypt and
elsewhere) and, in that Cusp, for one glorious moment in time, we thought we could really change things. Build a more compassionate caring society.

In fact we did! Huddled around St. Paul’s: we sheltered the homeless in London, fed the hungry of London and reached Consensus in the unlikeliest of places. And all largely for free. Indeed, at the end, through donations by fellow travellers and those sympathetic to our cause: we had an abundance of wealth! Something of a embarrassment for people on a quest to do away with Capitalism!

Alas it was not to be and, after¬†it’s dissolution by the might of the One Percent, as aided by the regressive State –as ever on the side of Moloch¬†<Metropolis>, Maya and Money!– I decided where I should go¬†next.

An epiphany: My Tunisian Epiphany. My Mohamed Bouazizi <wiki> moment. I decided that my protest would be to Occupy my house!
Not very revolutionary you might think. But there is more.

My reasoning –in part– deriving from the Taoist concept of Wu Wei <wiki>, in part from my NeoBuddist principles that indicate, sometimes, the best Karma “action” is no action at all and, finally, one of the real saints of modern times: Gandhi.

Non-violent. Non-cooperation. Total non-cooperation.
As Eric Frank Russell has it: “Freedom: I won’t!” [FIW]<wiki>.

Just to see what would happen! A MicroCosmic [Fludd <wiki>] ¬†experiment of our MacroCosmic –and MacroEconomic– feudal-capitalist system and a Peasant or “Plebe” just saying:

Non Serviam!

Fortunately I didn’t have to resort to Mohamed’s means of protest. Although I gave serious thought to it. Worked out the logistics. Ways and means. In front of Loughton Job Centre no less! As a reproof of a long distant ill-treatment, that engendered a solemn vow never to return. But then those responsible are probably now dead and their scions -relatively- blameless. After all, it is now their job to sanction and punish. And there are so many many bureaucratic hoops <wiki> for the bewildered Skinnerian lab rat to jump through, that most of the staff employed in a job centre undoubtedly wish they had a much nicer job elsewhere! But concluded that it would ¬†devalue his sacrifice, his martyrdom, as well as those of innumerable Buddhist priests. Notably Thich Quang Duc <wiki> prior to and during the Vietnam War and their ongoing travails in Tibet… <wiki>

—Oops there goes those Great Big Chinese Walls!—
But mostly because I choose a slower, less painful death. Cowardly Lion that I am!

Fortunately I was aided in this endeavour by the Wu Wei and my money running out! Or rather sucked out of my bank account by that rapacious Demon “Efdc” [Epping Forest District Council] Or “F’dik” as I am wont to visualise…

Amusingly and by way of an acerbic aside: I have since discovered that said monies had been taken under false pretences! Naturally there is no way of getting them back. The State, like the One Percent, is a one way street! Trickle up Reganomics.

Or perhaps “Trickle up Trumponomics <wiki>)!” To be topical. Plus √ßa change, plus c’est la m√™me chose:

An analysis by Citizens for Tax Justice¬†found that under Trump’s plan, the poorest 20% of Americans would see a tax cut averaging $250, middle-income Americans would see a tax cut averaging just over $2,500, and the best-off 1% of Americans would see a tax cut averaging over $227,000.[8]
CTJ determined that 37% of Trump’s proposed tax cuts would benefit the top 1%.

False pretences? Yes! Much to my surprise I discovered that if you are unemployed then there was a total –until 2013– <wiki> or partial waiver of Council Tax. Naturally there is no mention of that exemption in any of the literature that they send with their demands. Then in 2013 <link> the Tories changed that, but then that’s what they do! More fool us for voting for them.

But then the Council Tax, IMHO, is a regressive and unfair tax that should be replaced by a local income tax. With strict safeguards to ensure that local authorities actually encourage jobs to pay said income tax.

Instead of turning Essex into a set of dormitory ghetto’s –like Waltham Abbey– for the NinetyNine Percent displaced from London, and deluxe¬†gated communities –like Epping– for the lackeys of Capitalism. As¬†well as sucking up to the local farmers and landowners who often, through clever¬†accountancy, end up paying (pro rata) practically no Council Tax at all!

One looks fondly back to the halcyon days of the¬†Sixties and Harold Wilson’s: “White Hot Heat of the Technological¬†Revolution.” <link> In those days Waltham Abbey had Catalins: a plastics R&D facility and factory; Pan Britannica Industries: a similar facility involved in the development and production of plant care and¬†gardening products and the Governments’ very own ERDE: the Establishment for the Research and Development of Explosives.

Now, thanks to the Sainted Margaret’s¬†<wiki>¬†de-industrialisation of GBplc and our forward looking Council, we have a Tescos.

Full Stop.

Well not quite full stop. In amongst the boarded up charity shops and¬†shops “To Let” and shops that never seem to open at all: there are a series of small boutiques, and nail parlours, and cafes that last a few years, and then expire when the bank forecloses. Plus the betting shops and¬†the pawnbrokers and the other signs of a vibrant local economy! The¬†only exception to this: Estate Agents. We nearly have more estate agents than pubs. And Waltham Abbey –being a market town of old– has a lot of pubs!
And, despite the nine or so housing estates built here in my lifetime: most of these pubs, empty of an evening…

But, as I say, I digress…

Well my MicroCosmic experiment has run its course and despite having no money what-so-ever, I have managed to survive. For four years.

Remarkable and something of a personal triumph!

Mostly by starving. Mostly by finding money in the gutter. Dropped by people too lazy to pick it up. Mostly pennies, or the occasional bit of silver from the Queen of Heaven and, on two occasions, ten pound notes!

Then there are the worthies. And, in reading this, they will know who they are. Some of them only a little better off than I, finding out my situation. Blessings unto you all, from your preferred Deity. Alas I am heading, intentionally, in the other direction!

Conclusion: it is possible to survive on bread and water. With a little meat and fruit when the symptoms of dietary disease become all too rampant.

But this is, as yet, merely the preamble, merely the first step of this Fool into the Dantean depths, as we still have to get to the core of my purpose. The reaction of the One Percent and their State Facilitators to a Peasant who has dared them to do their worst… by doing Nothing at All.
The Wu wei way if you’ll permit the witticism. And the alliteration.
And there at the end of it all, there’s the true horror of the system. The true faces of the Adversary! But you have to persevere, really persevere on your journey into the Pit to discover those True Faces.
To be continued…


Redirecting the Asteroid Redirect Mission

February 16, 2016

A cosmic Dust bunny being captured by ARM

It’s in the bag!

Since it would seem from a recent hearing that –in the Capitol and Capital a least– there is a strong negative feeling towards the Asteroid Redirect Mission [ARM <wiki>]: it behoves its supporters¬† to come to its aid.¬† Bearing in mind that, with it’s cancellation, the technological development of an advanced ion engine (and all the rest of it) …is likely to be abandoned as well. Thus: yet another nail in the coffin labelled “Flexible Path <wiki>” as outlined by that august body the Augustine Committee <wiki> (Source materials).

Ahem. My little contribution under the¬†section¬†“Plan For Exploration Beyond LEO Responses” (pdf, 56k)

Whilst ARM and the Asteroid Redirect Crewed Mission (ARCM) is a far cry from President Obama’s original proposed human crewed asteroid mission it is probably for the good.. Baby steps rather than giant leaps being the order of the day in our modern, risk averse, culture. I for one was immensely pleased at the new direction for NASA. For all the polar hype the moon is a dry hole when it comes to water [1]. The real watering hole, I suspect, will be Ceres. (As will be noted in previous articles on this blog: this author is of the firm belief that the asteroids represent the paramount materials source for the evolution of humanity into a Kardashev II civilization. <wiki>. Since any extra-planetary society will be some 60% water –by mass alone– it is thus necessary to: FOLLOW THE WATER!
(But try not to crawl back down into another planetary cradle whilst doing so. Please!)

At this point I must admit that the boulder retrieval option selected by the review committee was a grave disappointment. Even if, as the most recent publication suggests [FAST 23rd November 2015 pdf¬†4.3MB], the mission is lucky enough to discover and recover a lump of water rich carbonaceous chondrite. (Handy to the sun blasted surface!) The likelihood is that its geology will so closely match that of any such similar meteorite that serious questions will be subsequently raised as to the value of the mission. This was not true of the other proposal: the recovery of a sizeable 10 metre diameter cosmic dust bunny. The morphology and composition of which would have been radically different from anything that survives a ballistic style plummet to the ground. Indeed the exploration and characterization of such a friable body would also have provided a real challenge to any EVA carried out from Orion: tethering, sampling, dust mitigation, utilization, bootprinting, flagplanting,… All would have been a deal more complex than a rendezvous with a small hard rock!
Moreover a small hard rock with a diameter in the region of one to five metres has a high probability of lacking the surface properties suitable for taking a bootprint and any flag planting in a small hard rock is more likely to raise a derisory smile rather than a national wave of pride or a global gasp of amazement!

However all is not lost.
I would suggest in the strongest possible terms that –if a boulder is to be retrieved– then ARM now be focussed on a boulder retrieval from the surface of Phobos or Deimos, after a ~600 day loiter in Mars orbit characterizing the surfaces of the two bodies in question and, ideally recovering a boulder from a shadowed crater or, better still, determining if a boulder represents material blasted off from the Martian surface and subsequently impacting one of the two moons.
In the latter case one would truly be able to claim that NASA was carrying out Martian surface studies in Lunar Orbit!
Failing that serendipitous outcome a Phobos or Deimos sample return would be seen as a real step in “The Journey to Mars.”
One that Congress would be less likely to axe.
One could take this opportunity to wax lyrically on the advantages of a Phobiean or Deimosian base camp: utilizing the abundance of local materials for: radiation protection, fuel, building materials,… 3D printing of household utensils; as well as developing the necessary tools, skills and techniques for interactions with the boundless riches of Near Earth and Main Belt objects to be found in the inner system. One could spend several pages explaining just why developing a permanent settlement in Mars Orbit is that much more easy –Certainly more easy than laboriously building one on the Martian surface, only to find that the really interesting spot is fifty kilometres beyond the range of any Mars Buggy!– and the huge advantages of carrying out surface explorations using robotic avatars and real time teleoperations. At a stroke removing the huge costs of long term surface life support; providing the flexibility to explore anywhere on –or under– the Martian surface with no risk to human life and, last but not least, meeting with the prime consideration of planetary protection.

This astrobiologist would quite happily defer human landings on Mars until after the day that we have conclusively determined that Mars was indeed lifeless but, thanks to terraforming, is now a suitable place for colonization!

However ARM does not stop there.
I would seriously suggest that ARM be developed as a modular carrier. In its FIRST mission: the boulder grappling mechanism is its payload. After the Orion mission ARCM#1 is over then a second Orion mission Asteroid Redirect Maintenance Mission [ARMM] be scheduled to refurbish and refuel ARM; now relabeled: Asteroidal Rendezvous Surveyor and Explorer [ARSAE. Phew! :-P] parked at L1. A third Orion mission –or possibly a robotic space tug– would subsequently dock the payload for the SECOND ARSAE mission. Here I would suggest an “all hands” request by NASA for Phobos Landers. NASA would select the best six and then ARSAE would deliver them to the surface. The various teams would then conduct various experiments: mobility; ISRU; exploration; surveying; digging; tunnelling;… utilizing ARSAE as a communications relay. After another ~600 day loiter in Mars orbit, a second set of small sample and artefactual returns would then accompany ARSAE on its return to L1. A THIRD MISSION would repeat the process only with Deimos as the target. In between each ARSAE mission there would be one or more Orion missions: servicing; repairing; upgrading ARSAE in much the same way that NASA maintained Hubble. The synergistic combination of human flexibility and robotic durability producing results much greater than the sum of its parts. As part and parcel of these Orion missions: L1 could be developed as a “Lunar Gateway” complex as envisaged by various prior studies.¬† OASIS springs to mind.

Lunar Gateway (OASIS Study)

Lunar Gateway (OASIS Study)

Note that the ISS –or any subsequent LEO station– is NOT the ideal location for such refurbishment. Better to have the solar electric arrays in the harsh cis-lunar environment rather than continually ploughing a track through the Van Allen radiation Belts.
Also Note that with ARSAE in Mars orbit it can at least provide stunning views of the Martian surface as well as contribute to the Martian orbital satellite collective. In this way one of the major problems of ARM is mitigated: a long period of time when NOTHING IS HAPPENING!

When ARSAE as a concept has been proved, then further –more powerful– iterations of an ion powered modular carrier can then visit asteroids in keeping with the original plan. [2] Now delivering ever bigger rocks to a growing settlement at L1. If nothing else IRSUed into a radiation shelter.
With enough rocks in situ we can then start building the Bernal sphere!
Job done!

[1] Let’s take Paul Spudis’s values at 600,000,000 tonnes at North pole, say it’s all ice (Not a given..) and that ice and water are equivalent density¬† [1 tonne ice = one cubic metre.]
= 1.2 km^3 for two poles worth (Not a given.) A little over a Gigatonne! Sounds a lot doesn’t it?
To put this in a terrestrial context. (Involving sailing!)
Lake Superior: (Now that is a lot of water!) 12,000 km^3 Whoops too big! Perhaps a little smaller and human made:
Lake Mead: 32 km^3 (Currently running out of water…) Getting closer but still too big. O.K. let’s look for something smaller.
Loch Ness: Scotland 7.4 km^3 Smaller still
(and so on…) until
Lake Windermere 0.98 km^3 (being generous) the largest natural fresh water lake in England.
Windermere pop. 8,245 although the lake obviously supports other villages. That’s it!
The total water to be had on the Moon is rougly equivalent to a small lake in England.
Find a reservoir near you with that sort of capacity (~1 cubic kilometer) and that is the size of population it will support.
Doesn’t seen so “abundant now does it?
Then consider the robotic infrastructure required to extract a mixture of: cyanogen; ammonia; acetylene; complex organics and all the other cometary ices *that are not water* from stratified deposits spread over thousands of cubic kilometers of rugged terrain… That is BTW in permanent shade and as close to absolute zero as not to make any difference.
Add humans and the costs skyrocket!

Even with perfect recycling and perfect life support systems and perfect seals …and a policy of making sure that any transients lose weight during their Lunar Vacation; any “Lunar Authority” allowing this precious hydrogen to be exported as fuel or in the form of foodstuffs deserves to be lined up against the wall and blasted with an ice mining laser.
Ceres (0.51 km/s to orbit), on the other hand, may contain more fresh water than the whole Earth.
wiki:fact “contains 200 million cubic kilometers of water, which is more than the amount of fresh water on the Earth.[62] ”
Moon (2.38 km/s to orbit).¬† One cubic kilometer…
Now do you see why asteroids are so attractive?

This author would strongly protest this constant mantra emerging from certain parties in the United States that there is abundant water for (commercial) exploitation at the lunar poles.
Moreover any water we do find, should be carefully conserved. Firstly as a scientific resource to be studied and then, secondly, utilised on an international basis in keeping with the spirit of the Treaty on Outer Space. And, yes, the Moon Treaty too! That Lunar Lake Windermere is clearly the common heritage of Humanity until we start importing water from other locations to grow our lunar community.

BubbleWorld (Dandridge & Cole) Credit: Roy Scarfo

BubbleWorld (Dandridge & Cole) Credit: Roy Scarfo

[2] This rockrat would seriously suggest 2010 TK7. And sod the deltaVee! After all this is a lump of rock some 300 odd metres across! A bit of tunnelling and bingo O’Neill Station is in situ.. Later a bubbleworld ( Dandridge and Cole) could be contemplated. Pending this happy day I would also suggest that NASA urgently and seriously consider a Gravity Tractor experiment –or other asteroidal deflection technique– with the aim of reducing and stabilizing the orbit of TK7 –over decades if need be– until its lissajous has been domesticated to a level that permits a human visit! It’s three hundred metres across!!!
BOTE assuming that its pure water (!) that’s 14,137,167 tonnes of cis-lunar/ Lagrangean space station!
In the right place!


No B(T)rainer

February 19, 2013

First a disclaimer: whilst this is not primarily about Politics, nevertheless my political views will be expressed. These are ‚ÄĒshall we say‚ÄĒ lean slightly to the left… of ant like communism!

This article in part is engendered by the notion of ‚ÄúOne Nation Labour‚ÄĚ coined by Comrade Ed.

Nice in theory…

I remember the febrile conversations concerning the last Labour Government – correction the last NuLab experiment (I think Harold Wilson’s was the last real Labour government… Recently featured in Roy Hattersaley’s piece. (A good party man G2 Guardian 14th February)
But when the dawn broke over London and “Things could only get better…” resounded around the Capital; one hoped that twenty odd years of Tory economic ruination would be reversed. (I include Heath here as he had no grasp of one nation Toryism and allowed Thatcher in…) But my projection: that Bliar would be politely shuffled off stage and replaced with some real Red meat like Tony and Ken for PM and Deputy; fell somewhat short of the mark.

Then we forgot to eat the rich. What were we thinking…

NuLab as an experiment: failed IMHO. I thought that under Brown we would at least (at last) see a reversal in the widening gap between the poor and the fabulously wealthy but then NuLab; Bliar; Mandelson et al were all a creation of the City (and Thatcher) rather than anything to do with the party of Harold Wilson. Excess piled on Excess in the financial equivalent of the Tower of Babel. And it is still going on! Enough.

Big Labour Big Science
Under Harold Wilson we had TSR2 (an object lesson if there ever was one); Black Arrow; the beginnings of Concorde; world renown if not leadership in: computing; solar cells; atomic power;… and the rest of the scientific mantle we acquired with the technological white heat of the post-war science boom. Scientific swords turned into plowshares.
But that had to go! As a well educated; high skilled; scientifically literate; well paid and questioning electorate is the last thing any government wants. Especially a Tory one. Instead it was to be a Friedman inspired: “race to the bottom” with a sub-literate unquestioning mob of serf citizens toiling away to make the filthy rich even filthier. Reagan might have believed that ‘trickle down’ economics would work but Maggie and especially Denis knew better.

When we ceased to support blue sky research (except for a few select areas, mostly defence); when we turned our Universities into graduate production lines rather than centres of academia and allowed companies to buy-in innovation on the cheap and then stifle it. It was only a matter of time before bright young things decided that ‚ÄĒrather than seeking a scientific career‚ÄĒ more money was to be had in accountancy or law. It was with amusement that I noted that over sixty percent of my fellow graduates in Biochemistry; finding no work in medicine ‚ÄĒor even science‚ÄĒ went on to become Accountants. All that intelligence put towards a freshly deregulated finance industry well an explosion was bound to happen. Thus rather than a new Britain forged in that white hot heat of the Sixties: we had the tax avoiding; funny money; litigation prone chaos of the Eighties through to date.

Alas our political class are now firmly science averse. Even to the extent of ignoring and then sacking their own appointed scientists. Unlike France and Germany: the Bureaucrats have prevailed over the Technocrats. Indeed it is worse than that: as there are fewer and fewer politicians with real life experiences. Apart from a bout of PR work or towel folding before Daddy found a better sinecure.

Perhaps One Nation Labour may signal a change. Let us hope so.

Thus in anticipation of the electorate doing the Left Thing: I put forward the following modest proposals. The first is a little something that I suggested to one and all, back in 1997 when the Bliar was going to make things better…
The concept was revolutionary then. Now it is a no brainer…

The Age of Stream
Rather than more roads or airports or flat-pack housing estates, we must build the infrastructure of a smarter; cleaner; greener Britain.
We must build the new means of getting to work and the new means of working. Compatible with the Fourth Industrial Revolution. The Age of Stream!

I note that because of E.U. Cutbacks (!) we will struggle to roll out an internet service that is a joke compared with South Korea and the Asian economies. And even that overpriced. With BT acting in the grand manner: a hydraulic despot redolent of a First Dynasty Pharaoh.
It was time to bypass the monopoly then and it is high time to bypass it today. Thus we need a program to lay a high speed data communications system throughout the land in the grand manner of the Age of Steam.

Rather than have a few monolithic companies making truckloads of cash out of a government project; I would suggest the following:

  • first an investment in industrial plant to construct the best fibre optic cable in the world. This will have long term benefits as optical connections can only proliferate as we move into optical computing.
  • second that the network itself is laid by local small firms bidding on contracts as laid set by Local Government.
  • third that the fastest connections be made to local Hubs: Libraries; Community centres; Health centres;… government sponsored brown caf√©s? (Well one can hope!) These places would become data hubs where large quantities of data could be downloaded really fast. Perhaps the back catalogue of the BFI or the BBC could be made available for a suitable subscription or fee. Similarly art; music; drama; opera; ballet;… The Hubs would enable people to own digital copies of the vast array of cultural wealth ranging from the British Library online, or the National Portrait gallery or a virtual tour of Tate Modem [sic]. In addition to the panoply of e-books there would be the Project Gutenberg texts. These Hubs would also become places of work for the professional who needs a really fast connection. Or locations where HD video-conferencing could take place.
  • fourth that a connection charge will be made for laying cable to the main property. Say a pound a metre. Thus the filthy rich living in their moated mansions at the centre of the land they appropriated during the Enclosure and anyone else with ‘huge tracts of land’ will pay a premium. Whereas in the property where the boundary is the wall of the building itself: the fee will be zero.

The ultimate aim is simple: every house in Britain will have free (and fast) access to the digital world. Communication is a public utility, like air and water should be free of charge!

Conversation Conversation Conversation
With the optical structure in place the educational, informational and representational infrastructure would be coded in parallel.

The educational would be in the form of a massive expansion of the Open University. Another of Harold Wilson’s gifts to the betterment of our Nation.) With the remit to provide free further education to all and at all levels of interest. Perhaps a collaborative community in the model of Wikipedia and other crowd sourced projects. Their remit ranging from computer interactivity for tots to the abstract specialities of tutors. (In the process breaking another hydraulic despot that of academic publishing with its pay walls and restrictive practices.)

This ‚ÄúOnline University‚ÄĚ …would form an extension to the Open University and attract all levels from retired academics to disenchanted teachers. Its remit would be simple: advance the scientific; philosophic; and cultural level of the Nation. Controversially I would suggest that time spent at the Online University be rewarded by some form of benefit. In other words cash! Rather than wasting electrons (and paper) searching for jobs that will never appear: the time would be much better spent improving knowledge and intellectual understanding. Rather than a fruitless and degrading process driving so many to despair, instead there would be satisfaction in bettering one’s mind. And, with time, eventually the pupil would be passing their newly gained knowledge on to others. Another exercise in raising self esteem.

The informational aspect would be the roll out of government functions. Both local and national. Thus advice on: health; benefits; employment; legal aid;… and the other social services would be directly accessible from these local hubs. And locally staffed as well.

Finally the representational aspect: with an informed and educated electorate issues of the day can be decided by the people rather than a bunch of ‘professional’ politicians who, once in office, renege on their manifestos; lie; fiddle expenses and then fail to represent the people that elected them. The exact nature of the voting system and how to present the various sides to the issue I would leave to debate! However the word Demarchy springs to mind.

Needle Train Network
There is a proposal to extend the HST to Birmingham and points North. NIMBY heaven…

Thus not in the lifetime of the next Parliament and probably not in the lifetime of anyone currently alive in Britain today!
Just why Britain ‚ÄĒwhich invented the Maglev (Laithwaite)‚ÄĒ has not the finest bullet train network in the world escapes me. Or rather it doesn’t. The reason is obvious and can be summed up in one word: ‚ÄĚPrivatisation‚ÄĚ Whilst it paid off handsomely for the City FatCats and the current shareholders; the people that actually pay for the service have paid for it in LIVES.
Never forget that.
Short of re-nationalisation (A subject on which I will return.) ‚ĶI would propose a ‚ÄúOne Nation‚ÄĚ ‚ÄúNeedle Train Network‚ÄĚ with the MAIN hub in the Midlands!
Well Doh!

The following expertises and technological breakthroughs will pay dividends that we can export to the world. (And beyond)

Tunnelling The NTN would be mostly underground, in concrete tunnels that would not only be water proof but also air tight and thus capable of partial evacuation. Tunnels would also allow suspension from above as well as repulsion from the sides and underneath. And propulsion from motors mounted top, bottom and sides: this train network is going to be FAST.
For the most part ‚Äúcut and cover‚ÄĚ would be used with listed buildings; monuments and other small structures moved to one side before being put back again. Special sites of natural or scientific interest; large housing estates and other major structures would be tunnelled under.
Naturally these tunnels will be sited in suitable geological formations and, ideally, under the houses of the most vociferous of protesters! Kidding just kidding.

Concrete Alas releases a lot of CO2. Perhaps research be undertaken into finding a low carbon equivalent. However over the lifetime of the NTN I would suggest an overall saving in carbon release.

MagLev The British scientific community should be challenged to produce a good compromise candidate for a high temperature super-conductor. Ideally a room temperate super-conductor. From there a high efficiency repulsion motor and drive motor would follow. Again something the rest of the world would buy.

Aerodynamics¬†Whilst the tunnels would be evacuated there would always be some air and the trains would need to push this aside and dispose of it to the rear. In addition the trains may continue to termini at the ends of the network above ground at greatly reduced speeds but probably faster than today’s ‘Fast track’

Cryogenics The network will probably require a large supply of liquid nitrogen. Efficiencies in the manufacture, storage and transport of this harmless gas would be useful.

Infrastructure Whilst the tunnels are being laid I would suggest a simultaneous super-conducting power transmission system designed to handle base loads sourced from future large scale power supplies. Ranging from Geothermal (Iceland) to Solar Electric (N. Africa) with Fusion and Solar power satellites in the long term.
At the termini I would suggest fleets of self driving electric cars. Again British made and designed to transport four persons to their destination and then navigate themselves back to the nearest recharge rank where they will be available for the next person or party without an electric tandem. We should aim to abolish the private IC car by the middle of the century. (Actually we need to abolish the IC car NOW! But we need the infrastructure in place beforehand.)

Severn (and Thames) Tidal Barrier
Before the environmentalists (bless) get all hot and bothered, I would remind them that we are currently well on course to a four degree Centigrade and 1-3 metre rise in sea level anyway and if we lose the Greenland ice sheet: seven metres. The existing wetlands will be under water anyway. And if Antarctica goes… well the British Isles will become the British Archipelago.

We have prevaricated long enough over this project: some fifty odd years if memory serves me right. Personally I would go for the full smash. A HUGE reservoir with billions of tonnes of capacity and generating the maximal current. Something grand that you can see from space. From the experience I would then construct an equivalent in the Thames Estuary . We will need extensive flood defences there anyway to protect the Thames corridor housing and infrastructure. Thus I would suggest a over protective flood defence wall ~30 metres. (Guessing here and assuming that we will eventually see sense over CO2 release.) The enclosure would then make for an excellent tidal reservoir as well as protect the Capital from the once in one hundred year event that will be occurring with greater regularity well within one hundred years. Inside the wall we could incorporate floating villages in the manner of the Dutch. Along with an explosion of marinas and yachting clubs.

In both cases the outer barrier, I would suggest, would also be a useful location for wind turbines and perhaps even trans-esturine transport links. Further to this we could design in a few arcologies: fishing villages; tourist hotels servicing the Lundy marine preserve; homes and infrastructure maintaining the power generators and shipping locks. A service port for the off shore wind turbines.
Perhaps even a new set of docks.

We seriously need to re-look at this. All new housing stock must incorporate power generation and energy conservation measures. No more flat-pack housing with minimal building standards. Similarly all large buildings (hopefully factories) will contain similar measures. The funding for this will come from fining Big Power as they continue to fail to serve the Nation. The days of privatising the profit and socialising the losses must end. To this end I would suggest that we introduce a new ethos: creeping Re-Nationalisation!

The modus operandi would resemble the current fining structure we have today. With a few changes.
The Offgen watchdog becomes truly independent of its Big Power Master. It is staffed and motivated to be ever vigilant and allowed to bite. Hard. In big chunks.
Ever more restrictions on Big Power and higher fines when they fail to comply.
(And here’s the kicker) All fines to be paid in shares. Existing shares not new stock. Shares forfeited by management and board of directors and coming from their personal portfolios. When that runs out the shares will be bought by the company and given to the Nation.
When we have control we wind the company up and hand it back to the people as a publicly run publicly owned Public Utility serving the Citizen not the City.

If the scheme seems to work I would roll it out on the other public utilities that so signally fail to be useful to the public. If the escalating number of complaints is anything to go by!

Community Kitchens and Cafés
The brave experiment by our Jamie et al in trying to better our eating habits rolled out on a national scale. In the face of an agribusiness and ‘food’ industry that is signally failing the British (and European) consumer. In addition to their role described below, these centres would act as Stream Hubs and as places where Society (That ‚Äúthere was no such thing‚ÄĚ off!) is re-built. The ultimate aim is to turn a nation of shop keepers into a nation of thriftycooks. As climate change; desertification of southern Europe; peak oil and the various other ecological factors contributing to the perfect storm of Beddington; the days of flying fruit & veg from the opposite side of the globe will end. Locally sourced, seasonal and misshapen ¬†foods will be the best we can hope for. The worst: food riots!

Rather than reintroduce rationing with posh food available on the black market perhaps a re-education programme started now would start a trend of healthy and sustainable eating habits.

I would suggest that initially the Kitchens be adapted from or added to the primary School network. They would be multi-tasking and best described by a typical working day. Every day. Because a child is entitled to FSM during term and during the holidays! And perhaps a bit of educational catchup with the ketchup!¬†(Or perhaps that should be passata ūüôā

Early (Or very late.) Cleaning. Donations. Food Collection. Menu planning

Breakfast Service ‚ÄúThe Porridge Club‚ÄĚ
According to most the most important meal of the day!
The kitchen would open for business at 6.00 am for the pre-school run with children (of all ages) arriving for a hot breakfast. In addition to starting the day off right for the very young; the very young could be shown how to cook porridge! Spurtles optional. Meanwhile secondary school children; parents; pensioners; workers going to an early shift or returning home after a night shift could also be catered for.
The cost: variable! The charges would be set by the catering manager in line with a local government framework. I would seriously suggest that those families not on income support be asked to donate what they feel the meal was worth. If personal experience and the Occupy movement is anything to go by the financially secure will pay above the odds for a good bacon sarnie and a good cuppa!

Lunchtime Service
In addition to catering for the primary schoolers, the luncheon would also be catered for local OAPs. Perhaps the interaction of young and old would also pay dividends… Again spare capacity would allow the unemployed and the poorly paid access to a proper ‘works canteen’ style lunch. Rather than a mass produced pret-a-snack bolted down at the desk whilst working through the lunch break. Again the cost would be variable decided by the local management. But the donation principle might still apply!
In the afternoon the school would run cookery lessons. Again for all ages with the emphasis on healthy eating and fresh seasonal foods. Ideally from the local area. Local restaurateurs could get in the act. Skills would range from dough making and smashing up potatos (age five) to knife work (age ten). Again perhaps the retired could take a role here: passing on old recipes, tricks and tips. My mothers rationing recipies were of great use to this batchelor when cooking during my student days often for a hall’s entire kitchen! Those not of a culinary bent could perform some silver service or silver surfing or reminisce from their personal past: passing local history and other topics down across the generation gap.

High Tea
With parents working to all hours the ‚Äúlatchkey kid‚ÄĚ is a term to be avoided and a practice too. I would suggest a fast (but healthy) food menu catering for those that would be returning to an empty home. Thus rather than the plateful of sugary cereal or fried chicken & chips; a better nutritional meal would be available as well as a Homework Club. With teachers on hand to help those struggling with a little extra tuition. Naturally with the connection to the National Stream: surfing will be superior to that obtained at home and perhaps a new generation of cooperative video games will instil social responsibility instead of shooting to kill.

Dinner Service
I have in mind the equivalent to the Working Persons Club. Only with food and education at the centre of the stage rather than beer and darts. The working persons equivalent to the Lord Mayor’s Banquet on a daily basis. Whilst families could bring in a bottle I would suggest a stiff corkage fee to discourage excess. After the meal perhaps there would be debate; a presentation of some form; discussion of local politics or national issues of the day. If people want to watch the football there is always the pub. However this aothour would suggest the occasional award winning or thought provoking film vs the Hollywood ‘blockbuster.’

In addition to a break even pricing regime; I would look to a local supermarket tax: specifically aimed at the volume of high fat; high sugar; highly processed foods that they sell. The less they market to the general public: the less they pay. Simultaneously I would look to local vendors to provide free food that would normally be wasted. Skipping on a national scale would prevent the huge amounts of food that is quite fit to eat but ends up in pigs or, worse still, landfill. Again I would take a leaf out of the Occupy movement that was able to feed all comers for free using a mixture of donations and local charity by the local shops.
If it can work in a windy corner of St Paul’s Churchyard: it can work anywhere.

If the larger establishments work I would then run out the smaller (brown!) Cafés where in addition to the National Stream other (taxed) methods of mind expansion would be on offer. These establishments would be licensed and staffed by people trained to handle the rare cases of abuse.
Two birds with one stone springs to mind!


Further to this I would also suggest a minor amendment to existing food legislation.

Currently most foodstuffs have a “sell by” and a “use by” date. This legislation would insert a third date in between the two: “Donate By.”

Food retailers would be mandated by law to donate unsold food to Food Banks, Charities and Community Kitchens. They would also be penalised for nutritious food skipped or sent to pig farms.

Whilst waiting for the cheap bread to appear at a supermarket (as you do on the breadline) …one can’t but help notice the vast amounts of perfectly good bread being sent to goodness knows where. As any good environmentallist will tell you the energy costs involved in feeding the world would be very much reduced if with a parallel reduction in meat production. At the moment we have the luxury of choice.

In the future we won’t have a choice at all.


NEO Colonialism

January 11, 2013


NASA mulls plan to drag asteroid into moon’s orbit” New Scientist

It is partly because of the above pdf that the following is written. As those of you familiar with my writings know, I am a huge fan of the “Flexible Path” as suggested by the Augustine Committee for the future of Human Spaceflight.

From this the ‘ObamaSpace’ initiative of an asteroid vs the Bush back to the Moon (VSE) was a welcome move but I never imagined this!

Hats off to the authors of this study. It is simply breathtaking in its grandeur and simplicity and I wish it every success.

The Essentials of Asteroid Mining
(Warning some factual content!)

Sizes:: Term
>1000km Planet  (Unless you
are Ceres!)
<1000km Planetoid
<100km Planetissimal [sic]
<10km. Chunk
<1000m Lump
<100m Hunk
<10m Nugget
<1m Meteor
“Debris” If it’s too small to take
a bootprint, it’s:

For¬†the most part this is a misnomer as it is not really possible to¬†“mine” an asteroid. (Well it is! But not in a traditional Terrestrial¬†sense!) These are largely undifferentiated¬†bodies, “Cosmic Dust Bunnies” untouched by the vagaries of plate tectonics; volcanism; high pressures & temperatures …and time. There are no seams of ore to¬†follow into the rock face. Merely an even mixture of material:¬†comprising the unevapourated leftovers local to the Zone it formed in.

PyroZone:: Metals and high temperature silicates …to Cryo:: Hydrogen ice and traces of everything else.

Instead, a mining operation is primarily a prospecting operation. With the hope of a ‘Motherlode!’¬†Or discovering that giant impact¬†diamond needed for¬†the fictional Gravity Drives or even more fictional FtL!

Paydirt can take the following forms:
The¬†mainstay of the operation is discovering an asteroid (Henceforth ‘Roid’. ) …that has more than just the usual powdered and melted regolith dross. More often as not this is usually a matter of placement rather than content. Thus in the inner System (In-Sys) a ‘strike’ takes the form of an ex-cometary body rich in carbon; nitrogen and, ideally, hydrogen that has wandered in from the CryoZone and has not quite melted yet. It came as some surprise —even to this Space Cadet— that there are in reality large lumps of water ice out there in Near Earth Orbit and as for ice at the poles of Mercury?

(One of the great myths and bad jokes of space travel is that there is no atmosphere. On the contrary there is plenty of atmosphere, as oxygen can be found almost anywhere. The main shortage In-Sys is hydrogen which is sort of necessary if you want to drink (H2O) or (C2H5OH) for that matter! But that requires carbon as well! And very little oxygen you will note.)
At the other end of the System¬†(Out-Sys) the ‘strike’ is finding a rare body of metals and minerals¬†where the Cometary Zone is just crammed (in a relative sense) …with¬†hydrogen and¬†all those other volatiles absent In-Sys.

But these are the lucky strikes.
What pays the bills is finding a ‘Roid with slightly more than its fair share of these relatively precious materials; placing a traditional marker beacon and¬†spray-slagging the rock with BIG macroGraphics: “this is mine!” Or words to that effect with the obligatory mining laser. Meanwhile the astrogator is charting its course and selling the information to the big CorpRats who really do ‘mine’ the ‘Roids’.

Much, much later: a Refinery might get sent out to process your find and then, in due¬†course, perhaps a¬†percentage of the profit would be paid to your bank balance. Or, more¬†likely, your descendants…

[Here I would SERIOUSLY recommend “Heavy Time” by C.J. Cherryh.]

In a slightly more fictional setting: a really commercially viable¬†‘Roid¬†may have more than it’s fair share of the rare¬†commodities: platinum and other precious metals; radio-actives such¬†as thorium and perhaps uranium and the various rare earths. All¬†will only be present in very small quantities. But when you refine a¬†whole¬†‘Roid¬†there is a lot of ‘quantity’ to start with! Unfortunately, Science¬†Fiction aside, only bulk processing will pay dividends and salaries¬†and big fat director bonuses. On the other hand we have found¬†ice at the poles of¬†Mercury…
So who’s to say what we might¬†find out there!

It would seem that the traditional Meteor Miner is a science fantasy rather than science fact. Pity. But a small independant concern prospecting away in the Void has one advantage: it is there on the spot. Or, rather, in the right orbit! Here there is always the chance of finding that rare commodity: a chunk of core material which HAS undergone differentiation. And is small enough for a small concern to refine itself. Or better still: haul away.

Small is beautiful after all.

HardCore material?
During the formation of a Solar System sometimes a planet gets born and grows by accretion – just like Earth. Differentiating to form a core full of really dense stuff that we only see a tiny fraction of, stuck out here on the crust. Which then gets smashed up by something nearly as big – just like Earth. This collision sending material all over the place. Some of it: into orbits that cannot permit a large body to form because of the perturbation of a larger body. Just like Jupiter!

There it sits. Full of dense materials and metals waiting for the lucky prospector to come along.

These bodies naturally are very valuable and other¬†‘Roid miners ‘RockRats” will try to take it away from you.
As will the large CorpRats. And that’s when the real Mining¬†starts.

With Mines. And Lasers and Missile Platforms…

Other Tactics

However if we have lasers we can also shoot¬†at something else! Whilst prospecting a likely looking body: a close visual inspection of the various major impact craters in combination with a delicate gravimetric analysis may prove fruitful. The gravimetric scan, along with other fine detail sensor work being carried out by mini-satellites; similar to that of the recent GRAIL mission but at a much reduced scale and much higher resolution. Some of these craters may contain MASCONS “mass concentrations” little chunks of core materials or perhaps a nickel-iron ‘Roid just loaded with platinum.
As impact velocities can be quite low there is a good chance that these bodies have landed relatively intact. Blasting into the depths of a likely looking crater with a delicate succession of pulses from a mining laser will produce a plume of data for spectro-analysis with the occasional payoff! Then it’s time to EVA and dig the mother(lode) out!

Then, once any really valuable ore has been removed: the location; orbit and composition of the ‘Roid can still be sold on to the CorpRats!

Alternatively nature may do the blasting for us and a small ‘Roid may have smaller denser (richer) moonlets of just ripe for the pirating!

Ascending (descending?) into Science Fiction; another useful weapon in the mining arsenal is a neutrino detector, using the local primary as a source. Fluctuations in the ‘neutrino energy state’ could be used to map the interior densities of the prospective ‘Roid and then perhaps a real shaft would be drilled
into the heart of the ‘Roid for a deeply buried lump of core material. Real space mining at last. The tunnels forming habitat and the farms of Heinlein’s “…Harsh Mistress” And voil√† another revolutionary enclave in the making!

Meteor mining by Wild Bill¬†Williams (E.E. “Doc. Smith Grey Lensman refers.) Smaller hunks of differentiated ores ‘nuggets’ would be handled differently.¬† With varying amounts of NiFe/ CHON/ and rare earths accruing in a special container to be redeemed at a refinery or trade station for a premium price. And, whilst you are out there roaming the Belt: there may be that chance encounter with a small meteor in a close pass or barrelling in on a collision vector! But before blasting it to harmless MMOD “micro-meteor/ orbital debris” vapour… a fine milliSecond burn could reveal something of value… Any excuse for a sortie on the traditional SpaceBike! Or, perhaps, firing off a grapple net and reeling in a prize catch!

Then there are the mainstays of REALLY fictional meteor mining: superMetals; nanoBlack holes; Magnetic Monopoles; the SeeTee of Jack Williamson and the mysterious Artifacts left over from the inhabitants of the Lost Planet!


The Ugly: “Truth”

July 23, 2012

For Suz and the girls in the Library.

For any Publisher this is the last part of a literary triptych: Three interludes between the three main Moon based short stories shorts of “Vacant Space.”
(See a previous post for more details.)

The microSat was close to crashing in a couple of orbits. The calculations had been made and the crash site located down to a kilometre or so. Uninhabited for hundreds of km around the projected 1.2m crater. The owners, insurers and the Koreans all breathed a big collective sigh. As did the few astronomers and lunar scientists hoping for an ejecta plume and a bit of free lunar geology. The impact point was on Farside. Better luck next time boffins! There were plenty more birds in an unstable Lunar orbit.
Meanwhile, inboard, a clock was quietly ticking its way down to zero. And that was well before the impending impact…

It’s been a hard day’s fortnight: III The Ugly: “Truth”

Alexi interrupted. As I was chugging some beer. Thirsty work: story telling. Or perhaps it was the moonshine.

‘Sorry, Les my friend but “Brerfox”, “Brerabbit.” Who, what are they?’

‘Oh Br’er means Brother. “B, R apostrophe R, E er… no, ER! “‘
I checked the bottle, nearly empty. Oh. Oh! I soldiered on: “Brother Fox” and “Brother Rabbit.” Animal characters out of an old DisCorp 2D. Nineteen thirties? Or forties. And an old, old old book before that: “Tales of the South” by Uncle Remus. I think. Or Jack London. My father used to read them to me as a child. I’ll dig a reference out for you some time.’

A sudden thought struck.

‘Has anyone heard of Aesop’s Fables? Ancient Greece’ There were a few nods.

‘Well like those fables, only set in the deep south of North America that was. Just after the first civil war.’

One smartaleck, a new chum whipped out a dataPad. Started tapping and gesturing away. I ignored him.

‘So anyway we landed at LunaCit on the southern group of pads close to the Cemetery. A hunting ground where I hoped to turn the tables on my hunter. Our plan B for bad was…’

I got no further.

‘Found it: “Song of the South”… made 1946 …colour animation and live action combined …Oooh! Runtime 94 minutes…’ The new chum(p) continued to spout his superiority with other people’s words. Moments later, he had the film itself. Pirating and porting it onto the screen that Alexi has for the sports and big events.

And that was that. I could hardly blame them. I was that drunk too!

As the old 2D, surprisingly in colour, streamed on, I could see that they had lost interest in my little fishy tale.

Look at the pretty blue birdy.

‘Bitter thoughts Baz.’ Zero echoed into my inner ear.

Yeah. Bitter and twisted. I kept that thought private.

I looked at Alexi and shook my head.

‘Another time, my friend. Another time.’

However I was not sure that I would be able to find the time. I needed a change of scenery. I needed Space.


In the tiny four person compartment of the ‘Bug we flew silently over the equally silent, stark silver-grey vacuum desert. A vast emptiness upon which we have barely been able to mark our passing. Let alone fill with life and vitality. Even with a modest pair of binoculars you can see that the Earth is just bursting with life and from low Earth orbit our habitations and despoilments are plain to see with the naked eye. From 12.76 km, our current altitude, we could see nothing but regolith and boulders and the endless matryoshka matrix of crater within crater within crater. The fractal foundations of the Lunar landscape.

I was worried. Something had gone wrong with my ploy. And for the life of me —literally so—¬† I could not fathom what it was. Yurya had been pretty quiet on the trip out. But now their silence had turned ugly. I chatted inconsequentialities, pointed out landmarks. Played the tourist guide role to the hilt. But behind those eyes, and that damn moustache; my shark was planning something of their own.

Lunar City is in the southern part of the Oceanus Procellarum. In that little flat bit between the rays of Copernicus and Kepler. It is not the oldest Lunar settlement, nor is it the biggest. But it is the only one that is growing. Both in surface area, for reasons that will become apparent, but in population too. It is, at the moment, the “Big City” where everyone in the impoverished Polar boondocks heads for. In the hope of better work and a better life. Lunar City has the biggest and best catapult on Luna. Now (and forevermore ?) under the control of UNSTF. Until the revolution. Comrade.

‘Calling Lunar City flight control this is jumpBug UNSTF Five-Six on approach. Request clearance for a landing at pad complex Gamma. Over.’

‘This is LunaCit Flight, UN five-six. We have a clearance for you on pad nine. Am activating approach beacon and strobe: Channel 76, seven six. Over.”

‘Roger, Lunar City Flight. Pad nine. Channel seven six. Will contact after touchdown. Out.’

‘OK UN fifty six. Don’t bounce her too hard! Out.’

Tapping in those two digits and swiping the “autopilot landing enable” icon is what passes for piloting round here. Out in the wastelands of the limb, it’s a different matter. But around LunaCit nothing flies without precise computer control. Too many valuable surface installations. Unusual. Bearing in mind how most Lunar settlements are worse than the icebergs of old Earth. On the Moon what you see is rarely what you get: only one percent shows above ground. And that’s radiation hardened.

In Luna most of our settlements are buried deep in old lava tubes or under volcanic domes. Or, in the more modern cubic, carved deeper still.  LunaCit was the exception. It sprawled. Not the usual circular sprawl of solar farmlands. Punctuated here and there by the circular barrow of some distant facility: like an old nuclear power plant, useless, abandoned and buried deep. Or an outlying research station now swallowed up by growing arcs of photo-electric glass.

LunaCit was different.

It still had solar glasslands that glittered blackly; sucking up the Sun’s rays. Three arrays radiating out from the central surface installations and out to the low Lunar horizon. Like some radiation symbol.

As we passed overhead on approach: I pointed out the curved sintered regolith maintenance tracks that divided the arcing fields; pathways for the robotic “cows” that endlessly grazed on electrostatically deposited dust. Over there: a “bull” as it replaced a worn out panel in a never ending task.¬† However these glasslands were small as LunaCit got most of its power from the rectenna over in an adjacent crater. A vast meshwork of wire that sucked in continuous power from the SolSat. A bright equatorial star co-orbiting the primary Earth-Lunar Lagrangian point with its faint tiny companion: Nearside Station.

I indicated¬†the¬†man made constellation¬†above us. Then, below us,¬†the line of the shaded superconducting mains running from Hortensius back to the Gamma locks n’ docks.¬† Yurya was singularly unimpressed. But I rambled on. Filling the silence with a travelogue: the catapult itself; the one kilometre booster stators; maintenance shacks and shelters and the power lines and rollerBus roadways to the villages growing at the loading head and ejection terminus. From there the¬†wide tracks winding out to the horizon and the¬†mines that delved into the rich ejecta blanket that splatted out from ‘Cop’ and ‘Kep’.

But closer to the surface installations that marked the city centrum and just away from the roads was another landscape. Separate from the familiar glasslands. Something unworldly. Three vast necropoli stretching to the south, the north-east and north-west. From Earth with a good pair of binoculars you could just make out their outline. From closer up the vision was sharper. Stark.  Mondrian mosaics in black and white and endless shades of grey. Chessboards within chessboards within chessboards; a pixilated rendering of former fractal impact craters. Now bulldozed flat in the pursuit of posterity.

Now under the direct control of the autopilot and the ground approach computers. I had nothing to do. I turned to Yurya. “Leo.” I reminded myself firmly, “Leo.”

I found myself looking at a teeny tiny gun.

Gun. Guns! Of course they could have smuggled more than one. Idiot.

“Where did I go wrong’ Deadpan. It looked like a .22 calibre. Low power, anyway. I still had a chance.

‘You called me Yurya.’ So I did. Make that ‘Idiot’ squared.

‘So what do we do about it.’ Casual, bored even.

‘We will land and you and I will have a little walk out there. And only I will walk back.’ Cold, calculating and comically over the top. Yurya was trying to mindgame me. Me!

‘You’re gonna have to come up with a more convincing argument than that little popgun.’

The gun moved upwards a fraction. Aiming for my left eye by the look.

‘I could shoot you in face right here, right now. How many people know you have passenger. Neishtoh! Nobody!’

Well actually my selachial friend, I thought caustically:  LunaPol; UNSTF and my guardian angel Zero. Where was he! I decided to take the initiative. My helmet visor was a shatterproof laminate of glass and plastic. It would stop a .22 round no problem. It might even still be pressure tight afterwards.

‘Aw’chin horror show. Gospodin.¬† You’all is the bossman. I’ll start to suit up if it’s all the same to you.’ It might work. It didn’t.

‘No. We will land. Then you will tell Control Room we have a temporary pressure problem. Then you will carefully get me ready, whilst I cover you with this.’ A needless gesture with their toy gun. ‘Then you may do the same for yourself and then we will take that little walk. And then you will die.’

Damn. I sighed and complied. Whilst thinking of Gert Frobe and his big ruby red laser. But as a signal to Zero and, it must be said,¬† partly for my self reassurance… I continued the flim-flam that I had planned anyway. The tables might have been tipped in the mid game. Mostly by my idiot loose tongue. But the end game could still be engineered in my favour.

‘So… Leo. Yurya. Whatever your name is.¬† It’s a pity it has to end like this. I had intended a nice little side trip to see the fastest growing growth industry on the Moon.’

‘What’s that Mr Lestoutes.’ More mindgames.

‘Burying people, Mr. Gagarinovitch! Burying people! Bit of a joke what with you and your little gun and your little mission here. Lunar City has the major cemetery concession for most of the burials we have here. Because of the catapult.’

‘But a catapult is for launching stuff. Niet?’

‘Well it does that too. A little. Mostly cheap LOX with some platinum and rare earths. But nowadays most of that gets refined out in the Near Earth Orbit and the Main Belt. But you can use a catapult both ways, by fitting big stator rings…’ I was babbling. ‘He’ looked blank.

‘Big electro-magnetic hoops at the far end. With smaller ones the closer you get to launching point. Then you can catch a small container and guide it and slow it electro-magnetically. Generally the container is a casket with some rich Dirt…’ I corrected myself. ‘Some rich person’s remains. Fired off by a catapult up in Low Earth Orbit. The system is used during the long dark lunar night.’¬† I added¬† ‘The super-conductin’ elements work better and they use the beamed power from a solar power satellite at Nearside. That way it’s much cheaper than wasting reaction mass. Lunar City is the main catcher for everyone that wants to be buried up here. There you go. All fixed up.’

I had done a good job. In more ways than one! In fitting the P-Suit I had made a few subtle adjustments to minimise the cooling and maximise power use. For good measure, I had slapped a small radio beacon to the back of the backpack. Despite the unexpected gun and the dirty great big one; I was feeling pretty cocky. Mind you I could have done worse: disabled the CO2 removal for one. But my plan was to bring ’em back alive. Half dead from heat prostration. But still alive.

Through the helmet visor I saw the movement of lips. I could just hear the words.

‘But why be buried up here. It’s desolate.’ I could see Yurya was playing for time. Checking for sabotage.

I feigned deafness by cupping an ear. And quoting Buzz:

‘Magnificent desolation.’ I had dropped my voice level slightly. The cabin was still pressurised and sounds were muffled more than silenced. But Yurya had no real experience with any of this.

I gestured to my helmet and the radio controls on the commPad attached to the forearm of my P-Suit.

‘If you want to talk, I’ve gotta put this on.’ Even lower level.

Inside, Yurya nodded. Of course the helmet didn’t move a centimetre. Definitely a new chum mistake. Us old lags use the old diving signals, along with sign language. Mostly to chat privately at a longer range than helmet to helmet.¬† But sometimes the Satcomms are really FUBARed for one reason or another.

Once I was suited up, sealed and checked, I did a radio check. Yurya repeated their question.

‘But why be buried up here?’

By now we had landed and as far as the eye could see: there were little cemetary plots. Some tiny patches of ground with nothing more than a little casket. Others much larger with  markers: monoliths. Some of these: one by four by nine! Arthur C. Clarke would have approved.

“I think it’s the timelessness that appeals. Some people just don’t like the thought of rotting away in the ground. And whilst they like the idea of being burned: purified in the fire. But then how do you dispose of your ashes. Bury ’em in the ground? Well you could build a tomb or sepulchre or something.¬† But on Earth they are recycling the cemetaries. Not enough room. So what chance of Eternity there. Here on the Moon we have lots of surface. Most of the work and play takes place in the cubic below. And there is a lot more cubic than surface.’

Damn right I was playing for time. After all I had it on my side.

‘Way back. Two centuries or so. Some bright spark had a nice little scam selling “Moon Plots” to the gullible. Well this time it’s for real. For a reasonable sum you get a one hundred square centimetre plot. For a little more cash a big one square metre one. For a small fortune: ten square metres on which to build a monument for posterity until the Sun inflates and swallows up the Moon, the Earth and …’

Yurya interupted with a gesture punctuated by the pop gun.

‘Time to go Mr. Lestoutes.’ At that point reaching down to pick up the ‘camera case.’

I leapt and pushed the bending figure over. Hard. Then slapped the emergency depress.

The hatch blew with a satisfactory “Chuff” that you could hear before the vacuum silenced it. Prepared, I used the outrush of air to propel myself through the empty hole where the hatch had been and out into the empty Lunar sky.

Now the hunt was really on. But back on my terms.

Afterwards I found a little .22 bullet lodged in my PLSS backpack. The kevlar had absorbed most of the impact but it cost UN$ 200 for a new cover!

I didn’t notice it at the time.

I headed out for some of the larger plots and the better cover they afforded. Before I had got half way I was joined by a remote bouncer.

‘Zero where were you.’¬† Not a question. His calm monotones, projected right into my inner ear, helped to steady racing nerves.

‘I calculated that a discrete silence would be better. I know you like to talk your way out of situations that you have talked your way into.’ Make that a sarcastic monotone. I don’t know just how he did it. But do it, he did. And very well! Better with the new vocoder.

‘You didn’t say anything at the time!’ I wasn’t complaining exactly. But it is good to have a conversation when you are in fear of your life. Even if your saviour is currently avatared in the form of a metal and ceramic Jiminy Cricket used to inspect the monuments and keep an eye on the few mourners.

‘The best probabilities indicated a better performance… if¬† you had made the realisation yourself. Contrarily: if I had told you of your verbal faux pas; you would have worried throughout the trip back and that would have reduced the odds in your favour even further. Actually Baz, the fact that you did not…”

‘Later Zero, let’s just keep it RealTime from here on in.’

‘However my time was not wasted,’¬† he continued smoothly. ‘I have patched in to the radio beacon you planted and can pipe it straight to your optical implant as needed. Also I have suborned a spare telescope at Nearside Station ‘ It can just make out the jumpBug but the resolution is too poor to see you or Yurya. So I hijacked this remote and will use it instead to keep an eye on Yurya. Whom, I might add,¬† is less than four hundred metres away and gaining on you.’

I loped furiously for cover.

What followed next would be a careful balancing act. I had to conserve power and water and oxygen and my own energy as well. All the while whilst trying to make Yurya expend the maximal amount of consumables possible. Stoney’s secondhand P-Suit, optimised for the cold, would not stand these late morning temperatures well. With luck the adjustments I had made would help and I had much better reserves.

Yurya paused somewhere under cover to reassemble the portable cannon. I could tell it was ready when a large chunk of monolith exploded. Showering me with fragments of razor sharp obsidian.

‘That was too close. Zero can you spot ’em.’

I screwed my eyes tight shut. Not easy to to when you are being shot at!

Pressure pads in my forehead muscles switched on my nerve feed and my left eye turned into a primitive LCD display: 640x 320 pixels. The program Zero had running made it look like a game of Pacman! Coincidence? Or a subtle attempt at humour by Zero. Yeah.

Yurya was to the west heading east. I bounced high but not too high in an eastward arc. Killed my vector on landing and headed west, loping in long low shallow arcs and using the cover to they to get behind. This was the basis of plan B for Bad. The theme ran through my mind but I had no oxygen -or breath- to waste on whistling. I would feint and force my shark to swim too far in the wrong direction. Whilst I would spend my time inside the circle of their search. Expending minimal effort to maximal effect.

The game of cat and mouse, of shark and clownfish played out under a static waning Earth and the rising Sun. Hours passed, most of it spent crouched behind one: one by four by nine monolith or another. Resting in the shade whilst Yurya rushed on by. Then when my display blipped they were a good distance away: I would pop up so that they could take a pot shot at me. Going by what we had seen at the relay station, Zero had calculated that the magazine would be good for eight shots.

Yurya used one of them to take out the remote. Figuring that I was getting outside help. Smart kid. And not a waste of a shot. That bouncer had been able to save my skin twice and still had good fuel reserves through Zero’s superior control. Since they had already wasted two shots at the relay station. That left five to waste me.

Or so Zero had calculated. Unfortunately even super intelligent Autonomous Intellects can get it wrong! At least that is my contention.

Four, five and six had been shots to nothing; at extreme range and always when I was moving. During a high Lunar bounce you are pretty much an easy target. Especially at the peak of the arc. But there are acrobatic tricks: flinging out arms and legs to change your vector slightly. However Yurya was becoming a better shot. Shell number seven passed close enough to see. After that the hunt became a stalking match. No more wasted shots.

Despite that I was feeling good. I had just been zapped by a GCR and was feeling good about that too! ‘cos chers you don’t often get a chance to see one of ’em. Not if you have any sense that is. I had 4.68 KiloSeconds of air and another 3.6 klicks emergency reserve. My cooling was good. I still had a litre or so of water and I had just had a piss. So there would be more water available in a couple of tocks. As Zero might say in his inimitable style, especially with his new vocoder “Satisfactory.” No. My main constraint was my power. My suit power was good, for just under 5 kSec. But my personal power was fading fast. My neural implant drew quite a bit. Much more than the old bone phone in my mastoid and its ancillary hardware. Baz’s shoulder batteries needed a recharge!

So when Yurya fired their ‘last’ cannon shell. And I had been a particularly tempting target, until I used¬†a passing monumental spire to suddenly change direction. After that I decided to take action and end this charade. As if a Dirtsider new chum(p) would have a chance against an old Lunar lag like me! I landed and circled round intending to take them out from the rear. Specifically take out what remained of their life support. Which couldn’t be much.

By now I had drawn us into the part of the cemetary closest to the Gamma locks n’ docks. Being closest, it was also the most prized and priced. Large plots filled with temple complexes that would make the Pharaohs green with envy. But rather than ancient mud brick, these monuments were mostly assembled from regulation sized sintered regolith bricks; stacked mortarless like some child’s construction toy. No wind. No rain and damn few moonquakes. The site for the catapult had been carefully selected for tectonic stability. The architectural styles varied from ancient pyramids to strange geometries from beyond time and space.

It was from one of those that I nabbed my weapon. A rectangular roof tile roughly half by a quarter metre. Spotted from a previous high viewpoint it glittered: a slice of meteoritic iron. The tile had a blunt edge, of sorts, but it was weighty. F=MA. It felt like attacking someone with a tea tray but it was the best weapon to hand.

Unfortunately my hasty exit from the jumpBug had left me with no weapon. As you know by now, have an aversion to guns at the best of times but I had thought to pack an impressive looking grippy in the portable tool kit I had brought along. Also packed with the various tools and spares that I thought might be needed when Stoney’s rented suit expired from overuse. The grippy was used for major leverage and with it’s weighty battery packs made for a good impromptu club. Probably about as much use as Yurya’s toy popgun against a well padded P-Suit but I thought it looked sufficiently intimidating.

Unfortunately Yurya had figured out my tactics pretty well and my element of surprise was spoilt by something. Perhaps it was a sixth sense. Perhaps it was a glint from the tea tray bouncing off of a reflective surface. Perhaps it was the ground shock from the landing of my last bounce.

Whatever it was Yurya turned and fired.

Zero and I still have arguments about this. Zero is adamant that he stated that the magazine was good for eight shells and that naturally as any gun expert would know, that meant a ninth shell in the chamber.

To which I would reply that I was not a gun expert. That he never mentioned the possibility, or the figure nine and that it was common practice not to load the chamber in case of a misfire or mishap.

It helps pass the time. One of those old arguments between friends that make a friendship worthwhile. Or not speak to each other for Cycles.

Meanwhile I was just a little too shocked to figure out where the ninth bullet had come from. Indeed I saw the muzzle flash and felt a bang on my left knee pad before the whole leg went numb. I was now in bullet time. Crisis mode when things slow down to glacial speed and your thinking becomes super-cold, super-critical.

Yurya had shot from the hip. The portable howitzer was designed to be fired from a secured braced firing position. Action and reaction are equal and opposite. Chump.
Well you get the picture. The tiny spacesuited figure was flung back violently. Spinning around from the offcentred thrust and smashing into a grey brick wall with sufficient force to dislodge some of the bricks.
It’s now or never.¬†¬†I thought and found that the tea tray had slipped through my clumsy gloved fingers. And my thigh was hurting. And there was an alarm.

Too many things to process. Another bounce, on the right leg as the left wasn’t working too well and I was there. Leaning over the recumbent form of my would be assassin. First things first. I took that nasty big gun and the little one too and tossed it into the gap behind the busted wall. Then filling in the hole with the bricks as best I could. With the last brick to hand I started pounding away with it. Smashing the fitting of the umbilical where it met the backpack with a good couple of blows. Just why I was doing this at this point: I was not sure. Except that it had been the plan and it seemed a good thing to do at the time. The ugly truth: I was in a killing rage. Displacement the psychologists call it. Taking it out on the PLSS. Rather than smashing in a faceplate.

Inside the suit there would be air for about 600 seconds.

I grabbed the body and shook it roughly.

‘Yurya you idiot. Wake up!’¬† Helmet to helmet.¬† I felt motion.

Shtoh… Shtoh sloocheelas?” Russian for sure.
‘What happen.’ The voice was feverish and stunned. Definitely stunned.

‘You tried to kill me. Again.” For some reason my anger had drained away and I was feeling a little lightheaded. I shook some more.

Stoy, ahstanavis. Slushaimenya!‘ I had exhausted my phrasebook Russian, ‘and get a grip Yurya. Or whatever your name is. I have just disabled your main life support. Your emergency reserve will last for an hour. Your guns are gone.¬† If you are sensible you will walk back to Lunar City. Nice… And… Slow… Without exerting yourself and you should just make it. Then go back to Dirtland, Earth. I mean and never, ever return to the Moon.” I punctuated the sentences with more violent shaking.

My good deed done, I relaxed. And then the pain kicked in.

For the first time I looked down at my left leg. There was a long tear about ten centimetres long. Through which I could see ice white flesh and frozen dried blood.

Merde! Without thinking further, I reached for the biggest suit patch on the chest pack and pulled the big tab. It peeled away as it was designed to and I carefully placed it over the rip. Pressing down hard.

‘Dear God let it work!’ The second part of the operation over, I checked my air reserve: 1.32 klicks. Not good. Then noted that that was the emergency reserve. Worse.

‘Yurya or whatever your name is I have to go. Remember what I said. Connect up your emergency reserve. Here’s the umbilical.’ I placed it in a trembling hand. ‘Oodah chee!

On the way back, hopping on one foot for all I was worth,  I could now feel the inflatable pressure seals that were keeping me alive. When the lower half of the suit depressurised, it had automatically deployed above and below the knee joint and around the upper and lower half of the torso. My air was good, my body temperature ditto. But I could feel the warm blood, as it filled my left boot. But that was both good and bad. Good because the leg was still alive and bad if the bullet had hit the femoral artery. Things could get ugly if it had.

In between landings, I repeated a mantra over the emergency band.

“Mayday. Mayday. This a medical emergency. I am inbound on foot. Heading for the public gangLock at the Gamma locks. I have lost suit integrity and an injury to my left leg. Blood loss. AB positive. I repeat: AB Positive. ¬†The air supply should be sufficient. But I might not be.”

I kept repeating this as the locks n’ docks got closer and closer and things got hazier and hazer. Rather than dominate the emergency band I also listened out for Yurya. Nothing. With nothing to do mid bounce, I took some time out to fiddle with the radio. Tuning in to the band we had used for private communications. ¬†

All I could hear was cursing in fluent Russian. Gradually fading away. Then at the last a whispered “Yulia, Yulia.” A loved one? A mother?

Two bounces later, I was at the airlock. Which: “Praise be” was opening with a medical team coming out. I collapsed gratefully into their arms.


Yulia was lying on the slab. At least I guess that’s what her name was. Something to go on anyway. By now I was there in person. Ostensibly for a close look at her tattoos; all too much in the flesh. My flesh was still weak but the medics had dosed me up with pain killers. Wonderful pain killers! Via their euphoric haze and the aid of a wheeled zoomer frame: I was just about able to get about. Even in one sixth gee it was still difficult. It was just an excuse. I needed to see my nemesis in the flesh. Somehow I felt that I owed it to her.¬† ¬†

Nude her gamine form seemed even more slight than “Yurya’s” Little girl breasts; incongrously tattooed with death’s heads, SS symbols and, just above the light fluff of her mons, the jagged lightning used by the Russian far right.

“Seventeen” according to the autopsy. “Oxygen starvation and heat stroke.”

In death her damned moustache was starting to peel off.

After taking close-up shots of the inkwork in order to identify her. I bribed the MediTechs for a DNA sample. LunaPol may have closed the book on this one but mine was just opening.

Appendix I: Metric Time (Abstracted from R n’ R A Space Operatic supplement for The Art‚ĄĘ)

Tick 10 Seconds [Rarely: “Dek” “DekaSecond” Ds is always capitalised. “dS” is used for the deciSecond.]

Tock 100 Seconds [Rarely: “Hek” “HectoSecond” Hs 1.67 t-min “Terrestrial minutes” “t” is a aways lower case, always hyphenated to distingush it from Tera rather than Terra.]

Turn Colloquially: “Klick” 1 KiloSecond [16.6…6 t-min. Some Telluric *Cultures still refer to this as a “quarter of an hour” even though it isn’t.]

Ship Hour” 3.3…3 KSec [55.5…5 t-min, 0.9259…259¬† t-hours. Obscure.]

(Work) Session Colloquially: “Klock” 10KSec [166.67 t-min; 2.7…7 t-hours. Generally Crew working a strict on-duty Long Shift are allowed an end of Session break: 2-3 Tocks for toilet, snack and drink. )]

(Work) Shift 25 KSec [6.94…4 t-hrs. Passenger (& thus Service Crew) time. Four catering Shifts to a Ship Cycle. 6.94…4 t-Hrs each {Midnight} Snack Shift; {Dawn} Breakfast Shift; {Midday} Luncheon Shift; {Dusk} Dinner Shift (Midnight) Shifts also described as ForeNight; AfterNight; ForeNoon and AfterNoon]
Note that artificial lighting is set accordingly. Bright light at Dawn is used to reset circadian rhythm. Terrestrial Passengers are encouraged to nap after luncheon.

Watch aka “Long Shift” 33.33KSec [9.26 t-Hrs Crew Time. Three Shifts to a Ship Cycle usually Bridge and Technical Crew]

Cycle 100KSec “Ship Day“; 1666.67 t-min; 27.78 t-hrs 1.15740…740 t-days

10 Cycles MSec Ship Week” colloquially “MegaWeek”; 11.57 t-days ‘Regular’ item Maintenance schedule.

100 Cycles 10 MSec Ship Month” colloquially “MegaMonth”; 115.74 t-days ‘Routine’ item Maintenance schedule.

1000 Cycles 100 MSec Ship Year” 1157.4 t-days ‘Retuning’ item Maintenance schedule.

10 Ship Years 1 Tera Second “Deckade” [sic] ‘Refit’ Maintenance schedule.

Hominids using the terrestrial second and analog watches have: a sweep second hand for precise timing plus:
– a Tock hand for timing e.g. soft boiled eggs: ==2 Tocks;
– a Turn hand divided into 10 for Ship Cycles and also the local planetary day
Digital watches can be set for anything;  including old fashioned minutes and hours.

Appendix II: Whimsey

The Art‚ĄĘ of Alexi Yangel Minor (?) NPC (Generated as an afterthought!)

First impressions. Whooo! Spooky Tarot session…

Alexi spat forth almost instantly from his Fate Deck with no opportunity for maxing out his stats in a Pattern. From long experience this indicates an NPC with a very short lifespan. The Players tend to put them in situations that allow the D/M to kill them off! As a literary device Alexi is now more of a problem child than he was before. Some research is needed here I think and Alexi may have to be worked into Sayonara as a major element.
Significator: The Tower. First card too! Interesting! Alexi is obviously building a new one out of the ruins of the old Barmin Base. But The Tower is much more than that. A serious character flaw gets exploited. Or perhaps or a catastrophic, even fatal, mistake lies ahead. Perhaps involving Baz!
We shall see.

LifePath (other Major Arcana revealed):¬† Justice; The World. Short and sweet. Neither reversed. Well obviously… but that would be too obvious. I will see if Alexi turns up in Baz’s future. If so I shall look into Alexi’s past a little more esoterically.

Disabilities: Ace of Pentacles Curiouser and curiouser. Second card revealed!

Alexi has a minor intellectual weakness. Alchoholism is too obvious, too easy and I don’t think a drug dependancy would be in character. These are physical rather than mental addictions. Perhaps a phobia… or a philia! Alexi has some sort of compulsion that regularly causes his plans to come tumbling down. But not crashing down. Waiting is…

Enhancements (Royalty)
King of Pentacles (+4 D/S; +14)¬† Eureka moment. And he needs it! (See below.) Also personified as his technical assistant: Valdiclauw; since he is already there! An older steadying figure in Alexi’s life. Alexi would be a Knight of Pentacles if personified by a Royal card. It was the first card I noted when shuffling Alexi’s Fate Deck.

Queen of Cups (+3 D/S; +13) Good health, Alexi has a cast iron constitution and a platinum catalytic converter for a liver. Personified a companion perhaps. A Doctor at another Russian Outpost? Baba Yaga? Varoomshka! Babooshka!! TBD.

Mimeses (Unsurprisingly: woeful…) Oh well in Luna even a 90 lb weakling can get by.

Deftness (Wands): 3. Alexi is a hairsbreadth away from being a complete klutz! He works slowly, methodically and takes frequent breaks to make sure that a sudden move won’t break something! In a one gee field he is even worse!

Acumen (Pentacles): 3. Here we have a quandary as Alexi is no simpleton. He is obviously no genius. Except that occasionally he gets an IDEA (King of Pentacles) on how to utilise some ruined equipment in a new fashion. Nevertheless his engineering skills are essentially empirical tinkering rather than calculated precision mechanics. That’s Valdiclauw’s job.

Vigour (Cups): 5 Alexi has a normal healthy body. Getting better.

Expediency (Swords): 8 Alexi’s interpersonal skills are his best metier! Whilst no flim-flam artiste, (Swords Royalty would have helped!) …Alexi is good with people. Making friends easily and convincing them to do business his way.


Speciality: +19 “Convince others to do things my way. Even when it is not in their best interests to do so!”

Mastery: Blank for future development.
Mastery: +16 “Take something useless and make it useful to everyone and (occasionally) very useful to someone special!” The personal element was needed for the addition of Expediency. (Not Deftness.)

Expertise: Blank for future development.
Expertise: do.
Expertise: +11 The Constructivist Movement (Russia, 1920’s) (A+E)
I shall do some research here!

Just one of each for starters:
Deftness (One of three): +3¬† “Pick up the pieces and put them back together… perfectly”. (Invisible Mending.) Note: If Alexi plays a King of Pentacles anything broken is now working better than new! +4 D/S +14 enhanced (fixed) widgit.
Acumen (One of three): +3 Deconstructionist thinking for fun and profit
Vigour (One of five): +5 Suddenly sober up, pull self together and act.
Expediency (One of eight): +8 Patch up broken relationships.

As a freebie and as a D/M why not!

Special: Alexi uses his Mastery to make his family remedy: a miracle hangover cure handed down from mother (Justice?) to son over the generations. The concotion is a closely guarded secret and differs from person to person. Baz’s involved the flesh and juice of a coconut There are coconuts under the north pole of the Moon!; 500 gm microbial protein, two fingers of vodka and the secret recipe of certain herbs and spices. Unfortunately he will need your Significator to make it!


The Bad: “Mistake.”

June 16, 2012

For Pat and the girls in the Library.

For any Publisher this is the second part of a triptych: Three interludes between the three main shorts of “Vacant Space.”

(See previous post for more details.)


II The Bad: “Mistake.”

The microSat descended lower and lower, its orbit now highly elliptical and near polar. At points mere tens of kilometers from the higher crater walls and mountain peaks. The owners panicked. Just a small holding company with the rights to space junk that no-one in their right minds would expend the delta-vee to salvage. Their insurers were worried: sending urgent comms back to the launching nation. In Seoul midnight oil began to burn as its onboard computers steadfastly refused any official orders. It was now officially a rogue.

Unofficially everything was going to plan. The microSat¬†responding perfectly to any command sequence prefaced with the right code word…

Naturally it was Zero who first picked up my tail. Although he keeps an eye on things Dirtside, he mostly concentrates his focus on the local Lunar networks. Easier. Less of a stretch. Or so he says. Mind you, I can understand his sentiment: a communications lag of one point five seconds would seem an eternity to an intelligence that thinks at the speed of light. There was one added bonus. Since the cisLunar Net naturally includes the various G-Synch habitats of the Corporates, it also includes their secure satellite communication arrays. Thus any data worth having, passes through this select group of nodes that Zero has already staked out.

‘Like shooting fish in a barrel.’ I quipped.

‘More like Mr. Grizzly poaching some really big and really smart spawning salmon in some fast-moving waters.’ Was his reply. (Yes he had upgraded his vocoder I think we can all be happy for that!)

When he spots something highly encrypted, making a leap for Dirtside, or vice versa, he takes it as a personal challenge and swipes it. The bulk of the traffic he can practically read on the fly. After all, at his core, this was what he was designed for. Fly Phishing.

So when this new fish or new chum as we like to call them, (The “p” is silent.) …travelling business class up from the MotherWell. Then books in to the cheapest capsule bunkhouse¬†in Luna. Well something starts to stink and alarm bells started to ring. As usual in my left ear. Causing me to spill my breakfast coffee. But fortunately catching most of it, before it had a chance to hit the floor. Real beans. Real coffee. Priceless!

The new fish’s name also gave me pause: “Yurya¬†Gagarinovitch!” Who was ‘he’ kidding! However at this stage and in these times; travelling under an assumed name and identity was common sense and common place. After all I had done it enough in the last century.

Afterwards I discovered, via Zero’s perfect 20:20 cosmic retrovision, that it took them some 86400 seconds to get themselves sorted. Still on 24/7 Dirtsider time at that stage and probably assembling, or obtaining, that rather hefty scanner proof firearm. I shudder to think how they smuggled in the explosive charges! Then their hunt was on.

Meanwhile Zero had started his.

Their ID was also fishy: the bare minimum for a Lunar visa and basic ID, passport etc.  Critically Yurya had no real digital signal back on Earth and specifically: Bosnia, where they claimed to have been born. Burnt schools, missing records. The usual excuses for a non-person. However from my last little foray into the Balkans; Bosnia was all I really needed to know. Call it a hunch.

Zero calls it “pure guesswork of the lowest order” and a number of less repeatable opinions.

Despite my “guesswork of the lowest order”: as far as we knew, our new fish could be a genuine corporate flunky travelling undercover to maintain an edge in some cutting edge business deal. Or some high-flying¬†CorpRat¬†up to no good. There was a high probability: 0.47 according to Zero, that our anonymous low rent businessman might just be scamming their expenses. Or planning an expensive treat during their stay. We had¬†some false alarms before, so Zero only set a small part of himself aside to track our new fish to see if they were a capsule bunked corporate sardine. Or a something more predatory. Like a shark.

From first appearances: definitely a sardine. Yurya was short: 151 cm and light 41 kg.  And young.  Barely looking the twenty-one claimed on the visa. On the ID, the only photo we had, he looked even younger. Eighteen? Nineteen? Perhaps one of those cute boys that the girls fall for but probably falls for other cute boys? With so little to go on, what else could I do but speculate wildly!

As it happened I had some old unofficial business to tie up at NHK¬†and some new unofficial¬†business to tout for. Digging up an official excuse for a visit was trivial as LunaPol¬†is a very unfussy¬†boss. I made no¬†attempt to conceal my departure. Officially logged on the Shackleton to New Hong Kong passenger lists for everyone to see. Sure enough the new fish was on the very next jumpBug¬†out with a thru connection to the High Kingdom. More significantly: using a new fake ID and credit key. This time “Valentin Tereshch!” Also from Bosnia. Another alarm bell. Louder. This time in the middle of the night: 02:23 (Beijing¬†time). I immediately contacted my LunaPol¬†handler who was quite understanding. But disturbingly non-commital. I put this down to LunaPol’s¬†full confidence that yours truly would be able to fix the situation without any furore. Just to make sure, I kept my head down in the Chinese territories and then, after making fulsome¬†apologies to my hosts, hopped onto the next passenger jumpBus¬†for the boondocks: Armstrong Base, Peary Crater, North Pole. Few corporate flunkies or flyers would want to go there. Except perhaps from my former motherland: the Former United States of America. Yeah right!

No. I felt that my selachial¬†friend had tipped their hand. Or should that be their sharp shark like dorsal fin? And this shark was fast! It took them well under the Cycle, that’s the new 100 KiloSecond metric day of the NEO Colonials that us ex-pats use in Luna. Despite the¬† inconvenience. Or perhaps because of it. Here in Luna the old style Greenwich spacetime is pretty useless. As is UTC unless you are an astronomer.

Call it eighteen or so “hours” to make it easier for any of you poor Earthsiders allowed to read this.¬†¬†

This was no coincidence.

This was no Corporate sardine!

My shark for sure had found my scent and had tracked me. Even to the back of beyond. It took some fancy footwork to avoid an encounter and still make it look like a near miss. Coincidental rather than carefully calculated. I didn’t want to tip my finny friend that their prey was playing them!

So it was merest ‘coincidence’ that our shark ,was sardined¬†in a cramped and sweaty shirt-sleeve rollerBus¬†– along with ten or so others. Delayed by Zero’s ‘faulty’ pressure seal signal between the bus lock and its designated docking port. Whilst I, in my nifty personal pressure suit, strolled out to the very same jumpBus¬†they had arrived in! Just to make sure I paraded around the bus pantomiming disgust at the shoddy state the old American base was in. Not easy to do in a P-Suit!

I hope they got a chance to see.

After another zig to their zag at CorpRat¬†Korolev; by the end of the week I was back at Shackleton and Zero was devoting a little more attention to my continued survival. Making damn sure that I was never exposed for long enough for them to draw a bead. By now he was tracking this shark better than the shark was tracking me! Definitely no sardine, now. They had booked into a cheap public doss¬†house. Way better than the capsule hotel they had started out in. Perhaps they realised that the hunt would be more difficult than expected. A capsule is OK for an overnight sleep but as long term¬†accommodations? “The longer the better,” as I remarked to Zero, not so much in fear of my life. But rather to build a level of¬† frustration¬†in our selachial friend so that they would be tempted to do something foolish.

Like reveal just how they intended to take me out.

Zero and I had discussed the possibilities. Or rather I had made silly suggestions and he fired back the calculated probabilities: usually below 0.1. The highest probability was some sort of gun. But what type?  We set up a sure fire close encounter, where my would be assassin would get an opportunity to make the hit. And miss. Or so I hoped.


Somehow a fourth full shot glass had appeared in front of me. And so had the bottle. And so had Alexi. I awarded each with a slow suspicious look. With one eye shut for the bottle and with both eyes open and raised eyebrows for Alexi as a bonus. I suspected that by the end of the evening that it would be empty and I would be too.

He sat down at my table. Like the chairs, made from light foamed regolith but topped with a millimeter thin veneer of marbled nickel iron meteorite that caught the light just so. Under its protective glaze of vacuum deposited glass. Here in Luna we may lack wood  Or any organics for that matter. But there is a stark beauty in our local materials that is, for want of a better word: unearthly.

The bottle was another fine example of local Lunar make do. That still manages to aspire to artistic merit. This glass was better refined. Alexi had perfected something: still with that grey smokey translucency but he had added some stardust. Glints of raw cosmic nickel iron; straight from some supernova: lightyears¬†away in time and space. Tiny little meteoritic tailings extracted magnetically as the first stage in extracting pure silica. Then Alexi had it engraved: “Ole XXXentuxea Rocket Bourbon.”

Paper is too precious for a mere label.

‘Tell me about it comrade.’ Alexi’s voice was soft. His English: pan-European, rather than American.

‘Unfortunately I can’t tovarishch,’ I replied in a moment of unguarded candour.
‘Someday I will dictate a book and beam you a proof. But here’s “Budmo!” to y’all anyway.’ I carefully saluted him with the full glass.

That got a round of “Heys” from the other regulars who had, unlike Alexi, sensed my desire for solitude. Liquid lightning hit the mouth, gullet and stomach. Another layer of comforting fuzz filled the brain. I had been such an idiot.

Alexi is one of us, a small group of ex-pats that have renounced our native countries. Me: Florida Free State, Southern States Alliance. Former USA. Him: Ukraine. Former USED. Former CIS..And before that: former CCCP! Now officially both UN citizens. Officially stateless: “displaced persons” with no terrestrial ties. Or taxes! This lunar we’re officially the “Revolutionary Soviet of the Lunar Republics.” The name changes regularly when we regularly get together to right the wrongs of the worlds and regularly get royally drunk. We make plans. Very clever. Very devious plans. Sometimes, afterwards, we remember them!

As yet there are only a few independents here in Luna but we are growing. One day there will be a lunar dawn comrade. And the lunar dawn comes at liquid lightning speed.

‘What is it that you can tell me?’ Alexi isn’t the barman, he is generally too busy for that. The Fischer King is mostly run on automatics but he has the gift of empathy that gets “worthless junk” for free. Then convinces others to part with cold hard cash for” valuable antiques from the Lunar Boom”. Or their own recycled carbon dioxide for that matter.

Back down the MotherWell, Alexi Yangel¬†(Yes that Yangel. Grandfather.) …was an Energia¬†engineer and a good one. Too good. So rather than promote, his Russian superiors had him: remote. One year it would be with ESACorp. at Kourou. Working on a project that was planned to fail. The next six months with some Chinese University on a probe to nowhere. Then a secondment¬†to ASA at the Darwin Test Range. A third generation hypersonic which was actually going places, before they reeled him back in again. So when the position of Chief Engineer here at Barmin¬†Base was offered; he knew that his RosKos superiors were abandoning their North Polar Outpost. But knowing this gave him an edge. And an opportunity.

‘I have to move on.’ Carefully re-arranging the four empty shotglasses into a 3D pyramid.

‘Now and in the near future.’ I added. Staggering up and heading down ramp for the toilet.¬† I needed some time to think of a lie for Alexi. But I wanted it to be the truth. I also suddenly found I needed a pee.

The Fischer King’s toilets are a local landmark. For us locals. Here at the North Pole we don’t get much tourist trade and what we do get, wouldn’t know how to get to us. Being as how it is in the middle of a long¬† abandoned lunar silicon and glass refinery. Originally designed for the usual photocells¬†then repurposed many times over the decades. At its last gasp: it was making optical cable for no readily apparent reason. Alexi uses huge bundles of it to pipe cheap daylight into the deeps of his containment. Like the toilets on the level below, where fountains of light illuminate the luxurious and immaculate interior. Appointed with combination water closets and¬† bidets¬†designed for use by either hand. For the men there is the added bonus of a row of urinals that are deep and narrow; specially designed to avoid low gee splashback. And worse. All made out of foamed regolith but with a white silky enamelled finish that was a delight to sit on. The hand washing stations were especially cunning, with a mist to moisten and bactericial¬†gel and recyclable wipes to dry. No chance of a free handful of water! Short of the toilet bowl! In another compartment there is the piece de resistance: a two person shower stall! He charges five UN$ per Tock which is a pretty good rate this far off the tourist trail. The shower too was especially cunning. The water was any temperature you liked but contained a foaming astringent that left a foul taste in the mouth. It is also a good idea to bring along two pairs of goggles to protect your eyes. If the two of you are planning anything ‘long term.’

 Alexi was silent on matters connecting the lavatory below us to the chaotic chemical laboratory surrounding us on all sides. The latter resembled a junkpile more than anything else. Some of the pile was actually functioning. But rarely doing what it was originally designed for. The rest was still junk. Just waiting for that moment of inspiration for it to find purpose again.

Alexi’s bar was a different matter. He didn’t need to explain anything, ‘cos any idiot could see that by selling small quantities of water with large quantities of alcohol and salty snacks into the bargain. In return we would provide large quantities of water with extra added nitrogen and hydrogen! With the off-chance¬†of large presents of valuable organics.

The Fisher King wasted nothing.

I made full use of the facilities. After all Alexi had stood me a couple of rounds and it gave me time to think. Honesty is the best policy. I told myself. Zero picked up the sub-vocalisation.

‘It generally is, Baz. It generally is.’ He too sensed my mood but then he knew what had brought it on.

‘But best not to mention me.’ He added. I nodded as if he were there. Idiot that I am.

‘Later Zero.’ I semi-whispered. ‘Listen in and give me a warning if I start to spill too much.’

Serving myself at the bar, I brought back two half litre steins of near beer, a continental style lager that still manages to be a vast improvement on the American beers I was used to back home. With an alcoholic strength easily matching any potent Dirtside brew. The secret: the beer was not entirely synthetic, as Alexi used an extract from the real hops he grows in the old hydroponics facility. A small bonsai forest of: Sloes; Junipers; Elder and other flavoursome bushes and shrubs. As well as small amounts of nuts, dates and other fresh fruit and vegetables, cultivated by Dirtside desert farmers. The beer is expensive: three times the cost of an equivalent amount of spirit but I needed that beer in order to replace the water I had just lost. Alexi sells distilled water too but I get it cheaper back in my co-op apartment.

Anyway I was here to get drunk.

Budmo!‘ We toasted each other. The “Heys” a bit more spirited.

‘Gather round friends.’ I gestured with the stein. Carefully. As liquids tend to get loose real easy round these here parts.

‘I’ll tell you a little fishy tale about a sardine and a shark and some of it will be true!’

The seven or so regulars and one or two new chums gathered around the table.

OK so I spilled my guts.

However it was with a certain amount of delicious¬†malice that I left out Zero’s contribution to the affair. Implying that it was my superior intellect, technical skills and outstanding detective work that had saved the day and saved my skin. Anything computerish, I implied, was the help of a computer technician named ‘Mike’, an anonymous LunaPol¬†colleague; working after hours and extremely unofficially. So keep it quiet guys. Actually the help I had from LunaPol was minimal. Except in the cover up afterwards.

I had gotten to the part where I was to be shot at, when I was interrupted. By Valdiclauw, I think it was. An old lag from the old days of Barmin Base. When he spoke, which was a rare event, people listened:¬† ‘But how did you know was gun. You could be poisoned or suit sabotaged. Many ways for assassin to get you. But why someone want to kill you in first place.’

‘Well that is a long story Vladi¬†and one day I intend to sell it.’ I replied. ‘So I ain’t goin’ to tell y’all here. But to cut it short chers: I was involved with a girl …make that two girls. Step-sisters after a fashion. Anyway. One father did approve and the other father didn’t and neither of them approved of each other. And before I knew it. I was in the middle of a very extended family feud. Which was naturally all my fault. And which naturally escalated since they all came from different tribes. Soon I had half of Geg County after me. That’s northern Albania. You know where they have long memories. And longer guns. Lots of guns. They chased me all the way across Europe and now all the way to Luna it would seem.’

There was a respectful silence at this near fabrication. I basked in their collective awe.

‘As to the gun,’ I continued. ‘I didn’t know! But for food poisoning you need a restaurant where you know your target will be. And who eats in restaurants?’

Nodding heads. Like most round the table we dined on cheap freeze dried ration packs, usually well past their use by date. Reconstituted with expensive hot water.

“But I did consider sabotage.” I lied. ‘Every time I stowed my suit in a public locker facility…’ (I didn’t, in fact whenever I was outside of Zero’s argus¬†like eyes, I practically slept in the thing. ‘Cos chers I did expect a bomb! Explosive decompression? No thank you. Messy.) ‘…I left a tell-tale to see if the locker door had been opened.¬†And a couple of times I set up a security spy eye to see if I could catch them. But they didn’t show.”

That last bit was true. Zero had caught glimpses of Yurya¬†going from here to there. Always with an armoured flight case¬†chained to their wrist . I guessed it contained a gun, or at least the means by which they hoped to kill me. And posing as a courier¬†they would be unlikely to be stopped by any local corporate security. But our shark was an elusive fish; avoiding the few public areas and public cams that were part of Zero’s private surveillance network. I seriously thought of a sneak into Yurya’s¬†doss house cubby, to plant a few bugs. But the damn thing was so small that they would be bound to scan them. And that would alert them that someone was onto them. Instead, Zero suggested that my suit might be a suitable bait for our shark. If nothing else to get a close look and better photo ID. Better still: fingerprints and perhaps some DNA. But as I said it was a bust. A no-show.

So, in truth, I guess the gun was a guess. But an educated guess: knowing Dirtsiders as I do. After all I was one myself, once. They are all addicted to guns. Even I had a taser. And I loathe guns.

‘So it wasn’t a guess.’ I was lying again. ‘It had to be a gun by the simple process of deduction: “when you have excluded the impossible,” I intoned portentously, “whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.”‘
Silence. Had no-one heard of Arthur Conan Doyle? Perhaps I had them spellbound.

‘But I needed to know what sort of gun I was facing. And that meant that I had to expose myself for at least one shot and know that they would fail.’

I paused, there was silence. I did have them spellbound! Basking once more… until Alexi poured another shot. Then I continued.

‘My friend Mike helped set it up.’

Credit where credit is due and Zero, bless his hot holographic heart, was definitely due some credit.

‘I wanted to make it as difficult as possible but too tempting a target for them not to try. It had to be remote, so that there would be no chance of bystanders buying it. Or witnesses to put them off. Most importantly: I wanted a face to face; I wanted to get them on camera and most importantly of all I wanted to know what sort of damn¬†weapon they would be using! Then Mike had a brainwave. He suggested a remote Farside¬†to Nearside¬†relay station on the peak of¬† Wilhelm Humboldt. It’s part of a surface based maser relay system used by Unstuf¬†as a backup. Useful when a solar storm puts the fritz on our Lagrangian satComms. He ran a program. The situation and lighting were ideal, given the time of the lunar, the degree of libration. Plus the station had a number of remote cameras dotted around. As well as a really good remote control telescope that the scientists use that we could patch into.’

‘So the next problem was telegraphing my move and making sure that my shark took the bait. I puzzled for a bit¬†and then¬†decided to keep it stupidly simple. I would advertise! Making it a slightly dodgy scam on my behalf and on the behalf of my bank balance. I could use the official LunaPol¬†jumpBug¬†I would need to get me there: to unofficially ferry “One lucky tourist and their camera.” …for a nice view of a waning Earth. And the opportunity to take some shots of an “Earthrise’ against some pretty spectacular scenery. Then, as a bonus, further on to Farside to check that my fake repair was working. All for half the cost of the usual side trip! I stuck an advert in the public net and waited for my shark to bite. Fending off any genuine enquiries from eager tourists.

And there were lots of those. I should have charged more!’

‘My would be assassin spotted the advert in under a Cycle. That’s just¬† under twenty-eight¬†Dirtsider¬†hours for you new chums ….and I mailed them back; telling them to get to Scott Base by 09.00 hours local: Greenwich; on the second of June. Reminding them that they would not need to bring a suit, as the bug was fully kitted¬†out with a universal spare which I would bring with me to the locks and docks. Then I went out to the jumpBug¬†I had requisitioned from LunaPol; removed the universal P-Suit and substituted it with a medium to large adjustable. Then I flew the bug from Shackleton to Scott where I killed time until my killer arrived on the scheduled passenger run at 09:10. Naturally the moment we met I was convincingly dismayed at their tiny physique as the ‘universal’ suit was too large. Then I guided them to “Moss Carter’s Secondhand Suit Emporium.” ‘

That got a response! Some quizzical looks and others that telegraphed: “You utter bastard.” Or worse! Stoney is a legend all round Luna for dodgy deals and dodgy equipment. “Stoney” not so much because of the “gathers no” bit but more because getting money out of him is like getting fossil water out of block of ejecta. He is, without doubt, the most¬†disreputable second-hand suit merchant in the south. If not in Luna and perhaps the entire solar system.

‘Since we were going on to Farside,’ I continued brightly. ‘I made sure that Old Stoney knew that the suit should be optimised for dark lunar operations. Fitting the suit took a deal longer than I had anticipated. When Yurya emerged, old Stoney came out with them with an odd smirk on his face. At the time I thought it was because he had overcharged a new chum. As he so often does.’

Some more nodding heads. Of course I know now why he was smirking. The bastard could have told me. But then, how was he to know that I didn’t know!

‘In the cramped jumpBug¬†cabin, at last I had a chance to look over my would be assassin close up. And not much to look at either. In a standing fight I could have knocked ’em down easy. Whilst the bulk of their P-Suit made them look bigger than they were; this new fish was hardly a shark at all! However by now, I was sure that they were out to get me ‘cos they were using yet another false ID: “Leo Alexinovitch” and for that Yurya had added a rather fine fake moustache. Somehow… I was flattered.’

Another pause for another swig of near beer. I found that I had downed the last and that someone had provided me with another. I decided to skip ahead. Some facts are better left unsaid.

Actually chers, the moustache had thrown me. It was the main reason why I had not spotted the obvious. I was too busy trying to figure out how ‘Yurya’ —or whatever their real name was—¬† had managed it. From close up a cosmetic moustache can be spotted. But this was no cosmetic and ‘he’ hadn’t had time to grow it¬† ‘Yurya’ had arrived¬† clean shaven and I reckoned, from their looks, it would have taken a month just to grow some bum fluff. Anywhere on their face. I found out later at the morgue that it was one of those new bioWare implants. It bonds at a cellular level to your upper lip and then dies off due to immune response after a couple of MegaSeconds.

It certainly looked genuine at the time. No excuse. But no regrets.

‘The jumpBug¬†pretty much flew itself, as they do. But according to a very precise flightplan that Mike had calculated for me. We landed exactly according to that plan, with a little manual nudge from the quads to align her just so. Then we unpressurised¬†and EVAed. Me to check out some¬† non-faulty, faulty electronics inside the station and my freshly¬† mustachioed hitman to find a nice place to take some pictures of Earth and then kill me when I came out.’

‘Once inside, Mike had set everything up and we watched as Yurya struggled up a shallow rise with some boulders of a convenient height for propping up a camera. Or a gun. We had a fine telescopic view as they pulled out what looked like a heavy duty shotgun with lots of extra bits.’

‘That gun had everything: laser rangefinder; telescopic sights; a small magazine; bipod, recoilless shoulder stock adapted for a P-Suit and then the biggest fattest barrel you could imagine. It obviously fired an enormous round. One that would drop an elephant… make that an elephant wearing a kevlar P-Suit!’

Later, much later: I had occasion to find out how they had acquired the component parts. Call it professional interest. Some of it I passed on to my LunaPol handlers by way of a bonus for their help in the cover-up. It turned out that most of the bits were of local manufacture and some had been pre-ordered for pickup. The barrel was one of those custom orders. The bipod was a standard model used for those small laser drills used for pilot bores. The shoulder stock was off the shelf!  Used by lunar geologists for a gun that fires high explosive seismic charges. Who knew? Well LunaPol does. Now. Those things look too dangerous to be in the hands of excited scientists.

The telescopic sights and laser rangefinder were basic survey tools adapted by some people I have yet to track down. The rest of the gun was smuggled in. Just the magazine and firing chamber. Which both broke down into smaller parts. In the end it was the ammunition that would have been the most difficult to get past the detectors. The  explosives were probably muled like most smuggled drugs.

‘So we watched Yurya assemble the portable howitzer and as it grew more and more massive with every passing¬† moment; I found myself wondering if Yurya¬†could even carry the damn thing Dirtside. Down there it must have weighed fifty kilos. ‘

‘I waited until they were nicely set up, realising only then that they were working with the sun in their eyes as they covered the airlock. I had blocked pretty much all of the other vantage points by landing the ‘Bug so as to block ’em! If they had set up behind the jumpBug itself or tried an ambush at the airlock entrance. Or anything else outside the envelope Mike and I had planned. Well, I could always call the cops and outwait them! The relay station had air and water and emergency supplies. So I could withstand a considerable siege. And their P-Suit from Stoney was, at best, rated for thirty KiloSeconds with the usual 3.6 Klick reserve¬† So with them positioned pretty much as we planned, it was time for me to bite, or rather, take the bullet. I took a deep breath; sealed my helmet; cycled the airlock and emerged on the bounce. Like Br’er Rabbit, bunny hopping out of the lock and full of the joys of spring:

“And its a lovely day out here on the Moon. Yurya where are you? I’m all finished here. Time for the trip to Farside!”

‘Mike analysed the footage afterwards.’ I confided. ‘They had managed to get two shots off! One more than I had expected. Neither got closer than a couple of metres. I think I caught the muzzle flash of the second shot and bounced long and low after that. I could imagine how they were feeling: having a perfectly good opportunity foiled simply by a lack of gravity and gravitas.’

I had been planning on that pun since the start and tossed it out for general approval but, alas, no-one caught it.

‘After three bounces I was safe back in the shelter of the jumpBug. Clambering up the ladder into ‘dat ole¬†briar patch where ole¬†B”er Fox could not git me. A Fox frustrated by a Br’er Rabbit that was too agile and too bouncy and too fast by far. But perhaps, as I had planned that they would be thinking, around about now: perhaps I can get him on Farside.’

‘But I never intended for us to get there. Now I knew what I was facing. Mike and I moved fast to plan “B.”¬† B for Bad. As I hooked up to the Bug’s power and oxygen to replenish my suit reserves, Mike was able to transmit the laborious process of disassembly. Eventually my failed assassin moped back to the jumpBug, carrying their ‘camera case.’¬† Once inside, I sealed the hatch and immediately repressurised.
Then, as arranged, during the preflight comm check: Mike called me as “UNSTF¬†Flight control” to tell me that my trip to Farside was cancelled and that I should return to Lunar City as the jumpBug was urgently needed by some catapult technicians. The hardest part was the last: expressing my disappointment in our aborted Farside trip and offering them a refund. Whilst all the while trying to suppress a wicked smile.’

I smiled wickedly to show my drunken audience just how wicked my smile can get. Mirror. Years of practice.

(To be concluded)

Appendix: Wilhelm Humboldt Crater
Coordinates 27¬į12‚Ä≤S 80¬į54‚Ä≤E
Diameter 207 km
Depth: 5.16 km
Period: Upper Imbrian
Colongitude 254¬į at sunrise
(Source Wiki & other locations.)

A large crater poorly observed previously due to its location on the extreme eastern limb of the Moon. It is an old eroded impact crater with some interesting interior markings. Despite the erosion there is one location on the western rimwall that rises to an estimated height of just under 5 km!

(The location of the fictional UNSTF “United Nations Space Task Force”
relay station and emergency shelter.)